By Elena Neitlich

Bribery gets immediate results. The behavior the parent is trying to curb stops… but to what future consequence.

In the long run 'bribes' dont work. Bribing children can have the opposite of the intended effect. Behavior can become more and more outrageous in the hopes of attaining better and better prizes. It goes to follow, if a small tussle in the grocery store is rewarded with a pack of gum, what will an out and out brawl get, a cell phone? Bribing creates a situation where the tail is wagging the dog. The childs behavior begins to dictate the culture of the family. The family is happy when the child behaves well and in turmoil when the child misbehaves. The child gains power and the parents lose power.

It is more effective and healthier to tell the child that he or she will face a consequence if the unacceptable behavior continues and then follow-through with that consequence. 'If you continue to do 'X' behavior, we will not go to the park,' (or whatever fun thing the child is looking forward to in the near future). By giving a consequence that the child can actually experience, the child feels the consequence and in turn thinks twice before repeating the offense. Giving a consequence assures that the parent never attacks the essence of the child, which can be damaging to their psyche, just the behavioral offense.

Following through is a crucial step of this learning process. The child must know that the parent means what she says and always follows through.

On the other hand, when the child behaves, praise, praise, and praise! Let him know that it is marvelous and wonderful when he listens. For example a successful trip to the grocery store should be complimented. Consistency, follow-through and praise are essential in promoting and reinforcing good behavior and creating peace in the family.

Consistency, follow-through, and praise sound easy enough. Then why do parents so easily fall into the 'bribery' trap?

One reason parents bribe is because raising kids and running a household are incredibly challenging and taxing. When half-way through folding a load of laundry the child reaches over and tosses the folded clothes across the room or when traveling up and down the aisles of the supermarket and the child starts grabbing food out of the cart and pitching it onto the floor, a parent can feel pushed to the brink. The mundane work has to be completed, it is understandable that parents bribe the child to quickly nix the bad behavior and finish the one of many task on their long daily list.

It is definitely tempting to bribe children to stop the disruptive behavior with a new toy or a snack. However, rewarding the negative behavior with a bribe ultimately leads the child back to that same unacceptable behavior, the next time with a vengeance.

It is really important to be your childs advocate. Think about the tools your child needs to be equipped for teen years and adulthood. As hard as it is not to appease in the moment, consider the childs future interests. The goal of a parent is to help mold a fantastic person and give the necessary tools a child needs to have a great life.

Here are ten tips for parents who want to find an alternative to 'bribery':

1. Immediately respond to the incident making sure that the child realizes that her behavior is unacceptable. Little kids need to be educated about right and wrong.

2. Use words the child will understand to explain that you are upset. Dont assume she knows why you are unhappy. 'Tammy, pulling the folded clothes out of the laundry basket is not okay. Mommy worked hard to fold those clothes. We have discussed this before. I am giving you a three minute time-out.'

3. Follow-through, act immediately, and do what you say you are going to do. Do not make idle threats.

4. Ask the child to apologize.

5. Reward the child with a huge hug and kiss and thank him for completing the time-out. Then let it go. It is not fair to your child to dwell on an incident after he has completed the time-out, or you have taken away a toy or privilege.

6. Do not feel guilty that you had to reprimand your child. It is your obligation to your child to teach her proper behavior. If you are calm and choose an appropriate consequence then you are being a great parent.

7. Be on the look out for good behavior. How refreshing it is for kids to have their positive behavior recognized…especially when they werent expecting it to be noticed.

8. Keep a tally of all of the good behavior over the course of the day and reward with an extra story at bedtime, an extra fun craft project, or a 'tickle extravaganza.' But most importantly, let the child know how proud you are of him or her and how much you love him/her.

9. Talk your children up! Say, 'I have the most wonderful kids! I love to be with them!' Kids do hear you when you talk about them, loud and clear. Make sure that the majority of what they hear makes them feel warm and nurtured, loved, respected and cherished.

10. Children want limits set. They feel out of control if you dont make the boundaries clear, and that scares them. Children want you to be the parent. One of the most wonderful gifts that you can give to your kids is to teach them how to behave properly.

Guiding children through the tough stages of childhood creates parenting opportunities for teaching lessons in manners and good behavior. By promoting peace, quiet and good behavior in the home, parents create a fertile environment that encourages growth and development.

Elena Neitlich is the co-owner and CEO of Moms on Edge, LLC. Her company designs, manufactures and sells childrens behavioral toys, games and parenting aids, Elena and her business partner created Moms on Edge with the mission to promote peace, quiet and good behavior in the home, and to alleviate the stress that parents can feel as they guide their children through the tough stages of childhood.

Elena is the proud mother of Noah (5) and Seth (2). She is committed to raising really great people. For more information about Moms on Edge or to contact Elena please visit http://www.momsonedge.com Permission granted to publish with no links inserted into article text and with live links in the author bio.

Elena Neitlich is the owner and CEO of Moms on Edge, LLC. Her company designs, manufactures and sells childrens behavioral products and parenting tools and aids. She is the proud mother of Noah (5) and Seth (2) and committed to raising great people. For more info: http://www.momsonedge.com

Tags: Parenting Tips, Stop Bribing

By Jake Tyler

Many children have a severe allergic reaction to milk, peanuts, wheat, shellfish, latex and other types of allergens during their childhood. Having a child with these types of allergic reactions can be challenging. Even something as simple as a trip to the mall can be daunting. You wonder if its safe to feed your child food from the food court, or did they use latex gloves preparing it. You wonder if peanut oil was used in any of the foods and not listed on their menu. Even a friends birthday party becomes a hazard. You question the food he or she eats, the toys at the party and whether they are made of latex. You question everything like if peanut oil, wheat or milk was used in the birthday cake. Or if the latex balloons are going to trigger an allergic reaction in your child. The are so many substances that can cause a sever allergic reaction. Some of the more common ones are wheat allergy, an allergy to shellfish, peanut allergies, milk or lactose allergy, the list seems to be endless..

When children with allergies go to school, you worry even more because you arent there to watch over everything. You have to place your trust in the teachers and other adults to watch out for your child.

Your childs school must comply with Federal requirements of the 504 Plan to provide an allergy-free meal to your child. Most schools will be happy to accommodate your child if you approach them with a comprehensive plan. Make your plan very specific. List exactly what your child can and cant eat and what they can and cant touch or play with.

Working together with your school officials and educators, you can be your childs advocate so he or she can enjoy more of their school and more of the world as a whole. With careful planning and specific guidelines, your child can attend school just like every other child and you dont have to worry yourself sick about him or her.

As a precaution, send your child to school with an epi pen. Contained in an epi-pen is a single dose of epinephrine with an auto injector device. This has become a common method of protecting children against severe allergic reactions that they may encounter during school hours. Your childs school will be happy to keep an epi-pen on hand and youll both feel more relaxed knowing its there. Some children are mature enough to carry their own epi pen. The highest incidence of death from anaphylaxis occurs when a child having an allergic reaction doesnt have the prescribed epinephrine close enough to him or her.

The information contained here is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Please seek the advice of your doctor regarding any treatment for your childs allergies.

Jake Tyler http://kidspirit.com/allergic-child.asp

Allergic Reactions in Children - Visit KidSpirit.com for allergy information.

Tags: Allergic Reactions, Parenting Tips

By Joseph Then

Keeping in mind that all people are different, and have different family dynamics, there are some things which usually can be mutually agreed upon as universal guidelines to raise children who are well balanced adults.

In no particular order, lets look at a few tips which may help any parent no matter who they may be.

Be an involved parent. Knowing what is going on at school and other areas of your childs life are a good way of making sure they are staying on track. It is also a good way to spot potential problems, such as bullies, trouble at school, or drug abuse. Being involved in school activities and developing a good relationship with your childs teachers can go a long way towards showing your child that you care about him.

Dont depend on school to teach your child everything he needs to know. Teachers cannot do everything alone. It is important that you help your child study, and that you work with your child at home to reinforce what he/she is learning at school. Make certain that you check homework every night, and let your child know what your expectations are.

Dont punish your child in front of others. If your child misbehaves, take him/her to the side and explain what they did wrong, and what their punishment will be. Punishing your child in front of other people will only cause unnecessary embarrassment, which can damage your childs self esteem.

Try not to give in or relent when you have already said no. Telling your child no, and then giving in when he/she throws a tantrum only teaches her that throwing a tantrum is the way to get what she wants. It reinforces bad behavior, rather than teaches good behavior.

Acknowledge your childs good behavior and accomplishments. Praise your child for a job well done, and encourage that good behavior. Try to focus on the positive, rather than the negative as much as possible.

Dont force your child into extracurricular activities. If your child wants to participate, encourage it, but dont push the issue. Children need to participate in some kind of organized activity, but they will not do well if you force them. They should enjoy participating in the extra activity, rather than dread going.

Make time for yourself once in a while. It is easy to become overwhelmed when you are with the children 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Have a grandparent or someone help you out once in a while so you can take a break. You will find that your stress level lowers, and that you are in a much better state of mind when you go back home.

Have regular talks with your child about peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. Let your child know that they can come to you with anything, and that you will help them through whatever problem they may have. Teach them the dangers of smoking, and these risky behaviors. Having the talk one time is not enough, since as children get older, they are constantly faced with peer pressure and put in difficult situations.

Teach your children the value of money. Let them know early on how the economic system works, and the importance of saving for the future. Teach them that in life you cant get something for nothing, and that you have to earn what you want.

Teach your children responsibility by assigning chores and making certain they do them. Make sure you give them age appropriate tasks, and explain to them they need to help you by making sure these things get done.

Value independence. It is nice to feel needed, but your children also need to learn to take care of themselves.

These are by far not all of the things that you need to know in order to be a good parent, but these should help give you some ideas maybe you hadnt thought of before. There are many parenting sites online that offer good tips, and forums in where you can actually talk to and seek advice from other parents.

Its not easy to be a parent. Learn how you can be a better parent for FREE at Parenting Tips Online

Tags: Best Advice, Parenting Tips

By Heather Owens

Amongst the commandments a parent should strictly follow are the following:

1. Do not underestimate your child - he can understand more than you think he does and if you make him believe you think poorly of him this might affect his development.

2. Dont use threats - a child loves a challenge and once threatened he might go on and do what he wasnt suppose to just to see if he can escape the punishment.

3. Do not bribe your child - if you are trying to get him to learn for money, for example, he will fail to understand the importance of learning, all he will get from this is the importance of money.

4. Do not make a small child promise something - small children cant hold promises so dont force them to lie and then punish them because they did that.

5. Do not keep them under a short leash - to grow up normally children need some space, some freedom.

6. Do not use big words or too many words when you are talking to your child - keep your ideas simple and concise so he can understand every thing you have to say.

7. Do not expect an immediate and blind obedience - it is not recommended, the child has to learn to think for himself, not to follow orders.

8. Do not indulge him too much - he can develop compartmental disorders.

9. Do not compromise when it comes to the rules of a game - the trick for a game to be educational is to have its initial rules respected.

10. Dont impose rules that dont go with the age of your child.

11. Do not try to inflict guilt - guilt is not an appropriate feeling for children, especially if they are little.

12. Dont give your child orders that you dont take seriously - your child will try to please you and giving him an order is drastic. It becomes cruel if that order is a joke.

All these 'commandments' are addressed first to the parent. But they need to be referred to by teachers and educators as well. Along with the parents, they will settle upon an attitude and strategy for the education and growth of the child, so that they can give him all the things he needs to properly develop emotionally and physically.

To signup for 7 Great Parenting Tips for free, check out http://www.infoaboutbaby.com . Alternatively, check out the book 'Babys First Year' at http://www.infoaboutbaby.com/The_First_Year.html to learn more about parenting.

Tags: Importance of Money, Parenting Tips

By Ben Euporian

Do you know what it means to be a good parent? That you try your hardest to do the best for your children. That doesnt mean youll always get it right!

Parenting comes naturally to most people; however even the most confident parents have questions at some point. This is why weve compiled a list of common parenting questions from parents just like you. Hopefully the answers will give you some ideas and strategies for raising your own children.

- How will I know when its time to move my toddler out of his crib? Once they reach 30 inches tall, children should be moved out of their crib and into a bed. This is a safety concern, because taller children are prone to falling over the edge of crib rails. If you are worried that your child will fall out of a bed, use a guardrail. There are many options available, and the best is a rail that slides between the mattress and box spring for stabilization. Another option is a toddler bed, which places your child just a few inches off of the floor.

- How am I best to handle the death of my childs pet? Chances are that if you have had your pet for some time, your child is very attached to the animal. Remember that just because your pet is not a person, it is still very possible for your child to have developed a strong attachment. When the pet dies, your child is just as likely to suffer from grief as they would be if a loved one had died. Be open and honest with your child - regardless of his or her age.

- How can I stay on top of trends? When it comes to fads and trends, the one consistency is change. What your child is begging for one day, he will be scoffing at the next. As a parent, you will need to make sure that your child does not fall behind the time, while showing them that not every fad is worth following. It is important to be clear with your reasons when you tell your child that they cannot have a specific item. And, you need to make sure that you do allow your child to follow some fads that dont pose a significant problem. Some parents will give in and allow their children to wear some of the more questionable teen fashions, while other parents will give in on video game trends. Still other parents will give their children the latest electronic devices. Todays big question is whether or not children should have their own cell phones, a trend that is increasing among pre-teens and teens alike. Its a matter of personal choice - but you will need to instill limits with your children right from the beginning.

- When should I start giving my child an allowance? A good rule of thumb is that when your child starts asking for money to buy items, they are ready to start receiving an allowance. Giving your child money of their own can be a great way to teach her child about the value and responsibility of money. When establishing an allowance system with younger children, consider keeping the money until your child needs it for something. This will alleviate a lot of frivolous spending, and guarantee that your child will not lose her money.

- How can I understand why my child loves to argue with me? Children like power. Arguing gives them a sense of power, particularly when you react instead of respond. One of the most important things to any older child is proving that he or she is right - and that everyone else is wrong. You will never win a power struggle with a child - so dont allow a power struggle to evolve in the first place. When your child starts to argue, state your response ONCE and walk away. If you need to repeat what you said more than one time, be prepared with consequences.

Questions come with the territory when youre a parent. So if you find yourself asking more questions then you know the answers to, youre not alone. In fact, we were amazed by the number of questions parents came forward with when we asked them what was on their minds. Hopefully reading the answers to these common parenting questions has given you something to think about.

Ben Euporian of Omsho.com makes it easy to learn from Parenting Experts. For details, visit this site now: Besting Parenting Info

Tags: Good Parent, Parenting Tips

By Jean Tracy, MSS

'Youll never amount to anything!' 'Youre the laziest kid Ive ever seen!' 'Dont be so stupid!'

Parents, do you get frustrated with your kids? Are you out of patience? Do you regret the things you say?

Listen. I know raising kids isnt easy. I know its a full-time job. I know you get frustrated.

On the other hand, its a fact that when you tear your kids down, you get results. Imagine being the parent yelling, 'Get out of here! Stop annoying me.'

Become the child receiving these words:

Look at your parents face. What do you see? Hear your parents tone. What do you hear? Experience your feelings. What do you feel? Do you to want to please your parent? Are you angry, sad, or hurt? Would you feel like pleasing or rebelling?

Parents, its important to realize that criticisms dont affirm but they do get results. They dont build up but they do tear down.

Criticism prompts your kids to:

Fester inside with pain, shame, and anger. Avoid a relationship with you. Fear more of your criticism. Feel self-hatred. Rebel. Criticisms take on a life of their own:

They become your childs inner self-talk and feelings. They get repeated by your kids to your grandchildren. They can recycle forever.

How to turn criticism into positive results:

Listen, parents. You can have a positive influence on your child. You can resolve to change. You can be patient. You can think before you speak. All you need to do is:

Look in the mirror when criticizing your child and ask yourself, 'Is this the face I want my child to see and remember? Decide to change. Practice catching your child being good instead of bad. Notice your childs face when you use compliments. Replace criticism with positive praise everyday. One more thing, youll never regret using compliments. Youll never regret building up your child. Youll never regret the results.

Jean Tracy, MSS, 'Granny Jean' publishes 'Tips and Tools for Character Builders,' her Free top-rated Parenting Newsletter. Subscribe at her web site http://www.KidsDiscuss.com and receive 80 fun activities to share with your kids.

Treat your children to Granny Jeans Parent Affirmations: 75 to Build Character in Kids at www.KidsDiscuss.com

Jean Tracy,MSS, Northwest author and speaker, is a former teacher, probation off

Tags: Criticism Childs, Parenting Tips

By Elena Neitlich

Picture this scenario: A harried mom in a grocery store asks her two young boys to stop fighting. They continue…getting even more boisterous. After asking for the "umpteenth" time and having them ignore her, she starts to raise her voice, but stops herself, she knows she shouldn't yell at them…additionally the kids won't respond to yelling anyway. She reaches the end of her rope, is at her whit's end, wants immediate results, so, "bribes the children." Sound familiar?

Bribery gets immediate results. The behavior the parent is trying to curb stops… but to what future consequence.

In the long run "bribes" don't work. Bribing children can have the opposite of the intended effect. Behavior can become more and more outrageous in the hopes of attaining better and better prizes. It goes to follow, if a small tussle in the grocery store is rewarded with a pack of gum, what will an out and out brawl get, a cell phone? Bribing creates a situation where the tail is wagging the dog. The child's behavior begins to dictate the culture of the family. The family is happy when the child behaves well and in turmoil when the child misbehaves. The child gains power and the parents lose power.

It is more effective and healthier to tell the child that he or she will face a consequence if the unacceptable behavior continues and then follow-through with that consequence. "If you continue to do "X" behavior, we will not go to the park," (or whatever fun thing the child is looking forward to in the near future). By giving a consequence that the child can actually experience, the child feels the consequence and in turn thinks twice before repeating the offense. Giving a consequence assures that the parent never attacks the essence of the child, which can be damaging to their psyche, just the behavioral offense.

Following through is a crucial step of this learning process. The child must know that the parent means what she says and always follows through.

On the other hand, when the child behaves, praise, praise, and praise! Let him know that it is marvelous and wonderful when he listens. For example a successful trip to the grocery store should be complimented. Consistency, follow-through and praise are essential in promoting and reinforcing good behavior and creating peace in the family.

Consistency, follow-through, and praise sound easy enough. Then why do parents so easily fall into the "bribery" trap?

One reason parents bribe is because raising kids and running a household are incredibly challenging and taxing. When half-way through folding a load of laundry the child reaches over and tosses the folded clothes across the room or when traveling up and down the aisles of the supermarket and the child starts grabbing food out of the cart and pitching it onto the floor, a parent can feel pushed to the brink. The mundane work has to be completed, it is understandable that parents bribe the child to quickly nix the bad behavior and finish the one of many task on their long daily list.

It is definitely tempting to bribe children to stop the disruptive behavior with a new toy or a snack. However, rewarding the negative behavior with a bribe ultimately leads the child back to that same unacceptable behavior, the next time with a vengeance.

It is really important to be your child's advocate. Think about the tools your child needs to be equipped for teen years and adulthood. As hard as it is not to appease in the moment, consider the child's future interests. The goal of a parent is to help mold a fantastic person and give the necessary tools a child needs to have a great life.

Here are ten tips for parents who want to find an alternative to "bribery":

1. Immediately respond to the incident making sure that the child realizes that her behavior is unacceptable. Little kids need to be educated about right and wrong.

2. Use words the child will understand to explain that you are upset. Don't assume she knows why you are unhappy. "Tammy, pulling the folded clothes out of the laundry basket is not okay. Mommy worked hard to fold those clothes. We have discussed this before. I am giving you a three minute time-out."

3. Follow-through, act immediately, and do what you say you are going to do. Do not make idle threats.

4. Ask the child to apologize.

5. Reward the child with a huge hug and kiss and thank him for completing the time-out. Then let it go. It is not fair to your child to dwell on an incident after he has completed the time-out, or you have taken away a toy or privilege.

6. Do not feel guilty that you had to reprimand your child. It is your obligation to your child to teach her proper behavior. If you are calm and choose an appropriate consequence then you are being a great parent.

7. Be on the look out for good behavior. How refreshing it is for kids to have their positive behavior recognized…especially when they weren't expecting it to be noticed.

8. Keep a tally of all of the good behavior over the course of the day and reward with an extra story at bedtime, an extra fun craft project, or a "tickle extravaganza." But most importantly, let the child know how proud you are of him or her and how much you love him/her.

9. Talk your children up! Say, "I have the most wonderful kids! I love to be with them!" Kids do hear you when you talk about them, loud and clear. Make sure that the majority of what they hear makes them feel warm and nurtured, loved, respected and cherished.

10. Children want limits set. They feel out of control if you don't make the boundaries clear, and that scares them. Children want you to be the parent. One of the most wonderful gifts that you can give to your kids is to teach them how to behave properly.

Guiding children through the tough stages of childhood creates parenting opportunities for teaching lessons in manners and good behavior. By promoting peace, quiet and good behavior in the home, parents create a fertile environment that encourages growth and development.

 

Elena Neitlich is the co-owner and CEO of Moms on Edge, LLC. Her company designs, manufactures and sells children's behavioral toys, games and parenting aids, Elena and her business partner created Moms on Edge with the mission to promote peace, quiet and good behavior in the home, and to alleviate the stress that parents can feel as they guide their children through the tough stages of childhood.

Elena is the proud mother of Noah (5) and Seth (2). She is committed to raising really great people. For more information about Moms on Edge or to contact Elena please visit http://www.momsonedge.com
Permission granted to publish with no links inserted into article text and with live links in the author bio.

 

 

Elena Neitlich is the owner and CEO of Moms on Edge, LLC. Her company designs, manufactures and sells children's behavioral products and parenting tools and aids. She is the proud mother of Noah (5) and Seth (2) and committed to raising great people. For more info: http://www.momsonedge.com

 

Tags: Bribing Child, Parenting Tips