By Howard Iken

In most states, a courts decision about child custody during a divorce used to be simple to make. The judge would give custody to the mom. The dad got alternating weekend visitation. Now, custody decisions are drastically more complex. Many states have adopted a standard called 'best interests of the child.' Judges are required to weigh a list of factors to determine which parent is the proper custodian of the children. The level of complexity in custody decisions has drastically risen and decisions are no longer clear-cut.

Florida is one state that places an emphasis on the protection of children involved in a divorce. The best interests of the child are the guiding principles in Florida. Domestic relations law of the state outline a list of factors a judge must consider in every custody decision: 1. the childs school and home history; 2. the permanence of the childs proposed home; 3. the continuity of the childs situation; 4. the parents ability to provide the necessities of life; 5. love, affection, and existing ties with either parent; 6. any history of domestic violence; and 7. the parent most likely to promote the childs continued contact and relationship with the other parent.

There are two factors that appear to be most important: 6. the history of domestic violence and 7. the parent most likely to promote the childs continued contact and relationship with the other parent. The importance of considering domestic violence is obvious. If a child is awarded to a violent parent, the safety of that child might be compromised. But most people are not aware of and do not understand why factor #7 is so important: the parent most likely to promote the childs continued contact and relationship with the other parent. And because there is so little awareness of this factor, it presents both a great opportunity and great danger for parents seeking custody of their child. The 'best interests of the child' standard was developed by lawyers, judges, child psychologists, and social workers. It represents a balancing of interests and is designed to benefit the child. The states that have adopted this standard believe a child should have a continuing bond with both parents, even after a divorce. And that mutual bond is best promoted by a parent that promotes visitation with the non-custodial parent.

The parent that appears to promote the childs contact with the other parent will get a strong preference in a custody decision. The parent that refuses visitation with the other parent will hurt themselves in a custody decision. Cooperation with visitation can take many forms. A suggested pattern of conduct includes: avoiding discussions of adult - divorce issues with the children, making reasonable arrangements for weekly visitation, openness about sharing holidays with the children, and participating in joint decision making about major childrens issues.

If you are contemplating divorce, you should educate yourself about how courts and judges make decisions. By educating yourself, you can make sure a judge will look favorably at your behavior. A divorce does not have to be a guessing game. The educated spouse will always get a more favorable outcome.

Howard Iken is a Divorce Attorney practicing in the Tampa Florida area. His telephone number is 888-439-3486. More information on child custody decisions can be found at http://www.18884mydivorce.com/pub/Childcustody/child-custody-factors.htm General information on all divorce issues can be found at http://www.18884mydivorce.com

By Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

Your son or daughter isnt doing to well at school. You get a call from the teacher complaining of behaviour. If its a boy, the complaint is about fidgetiness, lack of concentration, impulsive behaviour, poor judgment and some talking back. If its a girl, she is described as distracted. Her mind seems to wander. Work isnt completed and she seems withdrawn. In both cases grades are slipping.

The teacher advises that the child exhibits the classic symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder with Hyperactivity if a boy and Attention Deficit Disorder, Inattentive Type if a girl.

Psychoeducational testing may be suggested as might a prescription for Ritalin or Concerta.

If the parent obtains the psycho-educational assessment, little will be asked about family life and if asked, usually only one parent is interviewed. Hence information pertaining to family life may be minimized, or alternately any issue raised will be ascribed to the behaviour of the other parent. The testing will continue and a diagnosis of ADD confirmed.

With or without treatment, the child will appear resistant to change. In fact, symptoms may worsen. Prescriptions may be adjusted or changed. Behavioural interventions will be directed towards the child to gain compliance. The child may be withdrawn from the regular classroom. At best problems continue and at worst they intensify.

Some children subject to high-conflict parental divorce feel trapped between their parents or alternately feel like they must take sides. Either way, the parental conflict has spilled into their lives and as the child shoulders a burden to great to carry, it affects their ability to manage the demands of school.

In much the same was an adult with too much on their mind has trouble concentrating, so too of children. However, with children, there is often the myth that they are unaffected by the parental dispute or even if affected, can carry on at school. Hence the impact of the parental separation and conflict on the child goes undetected, unquestioned or unchallenged. It is glossed over as a contributory issue to the problems of the childs academic performance.

In the context of a high-conflict separation or divorce, ADD may just as well be taken as Attention Divided by Divorce as Attention Deficit Disorder. In either case the childs behaviour looks the same. However, rather than an underlying neurological condition altering attention, the root of the problem is the parental conflict. No wonder in situations such as these, pharmacological and behavioural interventions directed solely at the child produce few results. To address the root of the problem, the parental conflict must be addressed.

In situations such as these, it is imperative that both parents are apprised of the childs behaviour at school so that both parents can be interviewed with a view to determining if issues emanating from family life are contributory to their childs school related performance.

Conflict that drags on causes ceaseless distress from which the child might never recover. Left unchecked, as the child remains in distress, school performance is undermined and the child runs the risk of losing pace with the other students. From there, there can be a cascade of secondary problems related to self-esteem, behaviour and school failure that can become entrenched and intractable.

Hopefully recognizing when parental conflict is underlying a childs distress, both parents may be informed and hopefully better motivated to resolve the conflict. While parents may be apt to blame each other, it can be pointed out that regardless of who started the conflict, it is now the ongoing nature of the conflict that is bringing emotional and then academic harm to the child.

Given most parents profess to be working in the best interest of their child, maybe they can be coaxed or coached to resolve or at least manage their conflict in a way that minimizes distress to the child. If successful, attention will then likely improve.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW (905) 628-4847 gary@yoursocialworker.com http://www.yoursocialworker.com Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert on child development, parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody and access recommendations, social work and an expert for the purpose of giving a critique on a Section 112 (social work) report. Call him for your next conference and for expert opinion on family matters. Services include counselling, mediation, assessment, assessment critiques and workshops.

Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert on child development, parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody and access recommendations, social work and an expert for the purpose of giving a critique on a Section 112 (social work) report. Call him for your next conference and for expert opinion on family matters. Services include counselling, mediation, assessment.

By Jon Arnold

Today, the chances of a divorcing couple involving a child are rather high. While parents are struggling to sort out their personal feelings regarding the process, sometimes the implications of a child and divorce are often ignored. In some cases, divorce proceedings are put off for the sake of children, but often result in worse circumstances for younger individuals caught in the crossfire of feuding parents.

In many cases of divorce, the overall process devastates one or both parents, while other couples may also display a sense of relief. Regardless of the negative or positive emotions associated with divorce, a child nonetheless becomes confused or scared. Their sense of security is threatened and the previous vision they held regarding their family is shattered, as new circumstances and situations surface. During this difficult period in time, divorce sometimes forces a child to shuffle between both parents, further weakening their sense of security and routine.

A child and divorce brings about many issues that young minds are often unable to comprehend. This is especially true when a parent turns to their children for comfort. Unfortunately, unstable parents may take their frustrations out on their children. When the issue of divorce is not properly explained to a child that is old enough to understand, their confusion may develop into self-blame or guilt. It is not uncommon to see child and divorce cases where the offspring believes they are the source of their parents unhappiness.

A child of divorce may also feel an obligation to bridge the gap between their mother and father, attempting to bring them back together. This often involves making sacrifices on their own behalf. When the conflict between parents is intense, a child may face great unhappiness and uncertainty. The negativity may affect their self-esteem and overall well being, as it is proven that traumatic divorce cases involving children place them at a higher risk of developing both physical and mental sickness.

Divorce cases that involve a child typically produce mental, emotional, and financial concerns. Child and divorce means that parents must work out an agreement regarding custody, which may come in the form of joint-custodial rights, visitation, or sole custody. Parents must also work out child support terms, where parents without custody must pay for some of the expenses associated with parenting.

Emotionally, a child and divorce means stress and tension, meaning parents are responsible for making the transition easier on young minds. Sadness, confusion, powerlessness, and anger are just some of the things a child of divorce may experience. These emotions also have the power to strain relationships between parents and children. Mentally and socially, a child of divorce faces obstacles that may affect their learning and socialization skills. They may act out at school or suffer developmental setbacks. Adolescents might get into more trouble, including cutting class and receiving poor marks on tests.

Overall, both short-term and long-term effects are felt with kids of divorced parents. Under the divorce court system, judges and lawyers face the responsibility to make the best decisions regarding both child and divorce proceedings.

To get more insights and additional information about a Child and Divorce please visit our web site at http://www.my-divorce-guide.com

By James Walsh

Divorce, being a failure or cessation of the couples commitment towards one another in their married and family responsibilities, has an adverse effect on the childs psyche when they come to know of the fact that they are no longer continuing to be a single unit. The profound impact is felt in the life of the child, which mars the child emotionally, mentally and academically.

It leaves an indelible and emphatically traumatic impression on the childs vulnerable mind. In the pre-divorce period the child gets used to watching the acrimonious and vociferous arguments between parents and is in a mental turmoil as to who is right and who is wrong. This even further confuses the child as to how the relationship between the wife and husband ought to be. The child might incorporate the connotation of marriage in a negative way and might eventually lose belief in the institution of marriage as such. In most cases, the arguments the parents have lay the foundation stone for the child to develop an aversion towards marital life.

Just as there are two sides of a coin, the impact Divorce has on children has both advantages and disadvantages, depending on the situation or the circumstances in each family. The advantage is that the child need not see the increasing number of arguments and resentment between his or her parents. As a result, the child is saved of a great deal of emotional pressure and is let in peace. However, one thing is for sure, he or she will miss his or her other parent very badly.

Primarily, Divorce brings with it a lot of loneliness for the child. They are accosted with the new things as their parents start seeing new people who might first start as going on a date, later on perhaps cohabitation, and eventually end up in another marriage. God alone knows for how long this marriage is going to work. It is up to the child to make the necessary amendments and adaptations for the smooth transition within their lives. The child has to accept new people as step dad or step mom, half sister or half brother. The child is emotionally involved and attached again to a new set of people who might continue to stay with him or her, or just disappear from their life just as suddenly as they made an entrance.

As a result, instead of confiding in their parents during any crisis, because of their unavailability or preoccupation with their new partners, the children start finding confidants in the form of friends or siblings who might not be capable of taking the right decision on behalf of the child. The impact of separation on the childs psyche may vary from child to child and with age, gender and maturity of the child. A lot also depends on how compassionately the parents tackle their childrens problems during the time of separation.

The child might become irritable on the spur of the moment for no significant reason, become angry with others for no fault of theirs, become non-cooperative, give in to substance abuse, yearn for solitude, do not feel like mingling with others, and get suicidal or violent thoughts. His or her anxiety levels might scale new heights. In addition, having so much havoc playing on his or her mind may mean that they cannot concentrate on their academic studies. The child develops fear, confusion, feelings of rejection from any of the parent, loneliness and divided loyalties.

To reduce the effect divorce has on the child, the parents must not forget their duty towards the child. They must try to maintain the same routine and make the child feel important to them even after they have separated. They should not vent their anger or resentment on the child, or pressurise the child to take any sides, which would only augment the emotional conflict the child is already undergoing. Fighting for custody, the trials etc., might again make the child more anxious… so it is better to leave it for the child to decide where he or she wants to stay.

If the divorce not handled tactfully, the child might not have a smooth growing up and might be fraught with feelings of anguish and resentments towards parents and marriage in general.

James Walsh is a freelance journalist and copy writer specialising in divorce law

By Sandy Baker

Mothers can become bitter and vindictive animals when they feel they are the victim in a divorce. Except in cases of mental, physical, or sexual abuse, keeping the child from the non-custodial parent is nothing less than a way for the wronged party to plot revenge against the other person, and using the children to accomplish that will cause irreparable harm over the course of time. Even the father who committed adultery violated his marriage vows but not his priority as a father. He may indeed still love his children very much, and though he voluntarily or involuntarily no longer lives with their mother, he still has rights as a divorced father.

Each state differs in the rights of divorced fathers regarding their children, so you will need to review the code in your state or ask your attorney. Rest assured that unless you have done something detrimental to your children such as physical or sexual abuse or you have routinely been intoxicated or high in front of them, the courts will award visitation rights. Depending on the laws in the state where you reside, this may include joint custody of the children. Do not be misled by the term joint custody, this does not necessarily mean that you will have physical custody as much as the mother will. What it does mean is that you will have as much of a say in their upbringing as the mother.

In most states, visitation rights amount to a minimum of every other weekend, every other holiday, and a specified number of weeks during the summer. You may request a different arrangement, or if the divorce was amicable, make your own arrangements with your ex-wife. The important issue is to make certain all arrangements are in writing so that there is no question of your rights being violated and so that both of you know exactly what is expected. This also gives you an outlet for contempt of court if your ex-wife should attempt to restrict or eliminate visitation or contact with your children.

Sandy Baker is well resepected writer whom works with the best divorce lawyers, whom deliver results for their clients.

By Howard Iken

Copyright 2005 The Divorce Center P.A.

In most states, a court's decision about child custody during a divorce used to be simple to make. The judge would give custody to the mom. The dad got alternating weekend visitation. Now, custody decisions are drastically more complex. Many states have adopted a standard called "best interests of the child." Judges are required to weigh a list of factors to determine which parent is the proper custodian of the children. The level of complexity in custody decisions has drastically risen and decisions are no longer clear-cut.

Florida is one state that places an emphasis on the protection of children involved in a divorce. The best interests of the child are the guiding principles in Florida. Domestic relations law of the state outline a list of factors a judge must consider in every custody decision: 1. the child's school and home history; 2. the permanence of the child's proposed home; 3. the continuity of the child's situation; 4. the parent's ability to provide the necessities of life; 5. love, affection, and existing ties with either parent; 6. any history of domestic violence; and 7. the parent most likely to promote the child's continued contact and relationship with the other parent.

There are two factors that appear to be most important: 6. the history of domestic violence and 7. the parent most likely to promote the child's continued contact and relationship with the other parent. The importance of considering domestic violence is obvious. If a child is awarded to a violent parent, the safety of that child might be compromised. But most people are not aware of and do not understand why factor #7 is so important: the parent most likely to promote the child's continued contact and relationship with the other parent. And because there is so little awareness of this factor, it presents both a great opportunity and great danger for parents seeking custody of their child. The "best interests of the child" standard was developed by lawyers, judges, child psychologists, and social workers. It represents a balancing of interests and is designed to benefit the child. The states that have adopted this standard believe a child should have a continuing bond with both parents, even after a divorce. And that mutual bond is best promoted by a parent that promotes visitation with the non-custodial parent.

The parent that appears to promote the child's contact with the other parent will get a strong preference in a custody decision. The parent that refuses visitation with the other parent will hurt themselves in a custody decision. Cooperation with visitation can take many forms. A suggested pattern of conduct includes: avoiding discussions of adult - divorce issues with the children, making reasonable arrangements for weekly visitation, openness about sharing holidays with the children, and participating in joint decision making about major children's issues.

If you are contemplating divorce, you should educate yourself about how courts and judges make decisions. By educating yourself, you can make sure a judge will look favorably at your behavior. A divorce does not have to be a guessing game. The educated spouse will always get a more favorable outcome.

Howard Iken is a Divorce Attorney practicing in the Tampa Florida area. His telephone number is 888-439-3486. More information on child custody decisions can be found at http://www.18884mydivorce.com/pub/Childcustody/child-custody-factors.htm General information on all divorce issues can be found at http://www.18884mydivorce.com