By Cheng Cheng Tan

On the other hand, a child who lacks self-esteem will be constantly seeking for approval by his parents and peers before he tries anything new. There is fear within him that he may not be accepted by others around him.

Here are some tips to build self confidence in the child:

- Encourage the child to do things on his own. It does not matter even if he does it wrongly(as long as he is in a safe environment). The most important thing is to let him try and he will definitely gain confidence after gaining some success.

- Focus on his strengths and not his weakness. It is understandable that as parents that we want the best for our children. However, we have to be aware that every child is special and different. Though Mathematics is very important, the child may not like it at all. Instead of forcing him to sit down and listen, try to incorporate Maths with something that he likes e.g. music. This will lower his resistance towards learning Maths and he may think of better ideas to learn maths with music too. You never know how creative they can be.

-Praise your child when he does something well. Children are constantly looking for approval. Parents are usually critical because it is easier to point out mistakes. Just be aware and remember that children (just like anybody else) prefer to listen to positive things.

-Differentiate the child from his behaviour. If parents are unhappy with the childs behaviour, tell the child. We need to reinforce that we still love the child but not the behaviour.

-Do not criticize. Criticism can greatly diminish confidence. It is easy for parents to say 'See, I told you not to do that and now you are dirty all over.' We need to remind ourselves constantly that everytime we diminish their self-esteem, it will take us a lot more effort to restore it. Or even worse, we leave it as it is and the child will hesitate to do new things in future. If you have nothing good to say, it is better not to say anything. Talk to children about their mistake in a positive way.

-What is your first reaction when you see your child in your room full of lipstick on his lips and all your lipsticks are spoilt? Will you start screaming at him? Most of us would. Then you would have fallen into their trap. What should you do then? Make them clean up the mess, even if it takes half the day. The child have to pay for the lipsticks by either not having a new toy or no Macdonalds for the next two months. Screaming at them does not really help as they already feel frightened when they know you have found out the truth. Let them learn that they have to be responsible for what they do. If they can come up with their own punishment (which you are agreeable to), that would be better.

-One of the easiest way is to hang up their pictures on the wall so that visitors can take a look at them too. Encourage them to take about the story or idea behind the picture. If your kids are older, you could embark on a project to write a storybook. The child could write on a short chapter a week. They can also hang up short articles or jokes on the wall.

-Communicate with your child as much as possible. You will need to know what they are feeling and thinking before you can decide on the next course of action. Most parents spend time and money attending courses to find out about how to deal with their children when the most important thing they need to do is to spend more time with them.

-Help children to find their own interest and build on it. Try not to emphasize on perfection and competition. Instead focus on doing their best and enjoying the process. The process is just as important ,if not more important than the result. Children will realize that there are so many things to learn on the way which are so valuable to them.

Find out how parenting can be fun and easy at http://www.raisingconfidentkids.com

Cheng Cheng is an Asia mother(Singaporean) with two boys age about four and five. I have learnt a lot from them and other parents. Find out more about how parenting can be fun and easy at http://www.raisingconfidentkids.com