By Hege Crowton

Getting your child potty trained can be kind of tricky because if your child is not ready this process can take a long time. Then again if you wait too long the child may actually end up resisting your attempts. So when do you start and how do you know if the time is right for your child? How do you know when to begin?

First of all you need to ignore many of the ideas you may have gotten from people around you because each child is so very different when it comes to what will work for them as far as potty training is concerned. You might hear from your parents that your child is very slow in getting trained but in general kids today do get out of diapers later than what children did years ago. Some says it is because the diapers today are much more comfortable than the cloth ones which your parents may have used for you.

For most children today the age when they start showing signs of being ready for potty training is between 2 and 3 years old. One of the first signs that he may be getting ready is when the child is capable of pulling his own pants up and down. This along with questions and curiosity regarding the toilet should give you a clear clue.

Another important physical sign of potty training readiness is the frequency with which your child urinates. If he is still wetting his diaper every half and hour or so, he is not ready. But, if hes going one to two hours between wet diapers, then he is able to hold his urine, which is critical to being truly potty trained, at any age.

This is when you as a parent need to start both explaining and showing how this task is done. First of all let them know that this is how big people go to the bathroom and that they dont use diapers. If you have a son it is now important for dad to take on some of the responsibility by taking his son with him when he goes to the bathroom so your son can actually see how it works. Dad, bringing him with you just once dont work it has to be repeated no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel and you are the one who has to show him, mom cant.

The same thing goes for mom when it comes to the little girls and when they do start showing interest for the toilet, there are several good story books on the market about potty training that you can start reading to your child at this stage, to help encourage an interest in going potty. There are books geared specifically to boys and those geared to girls, which is helpful.

Hege Crowton is an established expert copywriter. She is known for doing in-depth research before writing her articles. www.Ispjv.com www.Submitcontent.com Copyright 2005 ParentingContent.com

Tags: Physical Sign, Potty Train

By Michael Russell

But when a middle class, hard working, law abiding couple wants to adopt a child they have to jump through more hoops than a clown at a three ring circus. He wonders why.

In this article well try to explain some of the problems and red tape associated with a couple trying to adopt a child.

For starters, adoption law varies from state to state. Yes, there are laws, and depending on where you live those laws can be quite different but there are some laws that are pretty common across the board. There is the Consent to Adoption. This consent refers to the agreement by a parent, or a person or agency acting in place of a parent, to relinquish the child for adoption and to release all rights and duties with respect to that child. In other words before you can adopt the child the birth parent or agency in charge, if the birth parents are dead, has to give consent for the adoption to take place.

Then there is the parties to adoption. In order for an adoption to take place, a person available to be adopted must be placed in the home of a person or persons eligible to adopt. All States, the District of Columbia, and the US territories Guam, Puerto Rico, American Samoa, the Northern Mariana Islands, and the Virgin Islands have laws that specify which persons are eligible as adopting parents, and which persons can be adopted. In other words they decide whether or not they think the adoptive parents are fit and this varies from state to state.

So who CAN adopt? Generally speaking anyone over the age of 18 but in some states 21 and still in others the minimum age is 25. Again, this is all state regulated. There are some states that allow minors to adopt under certain circumstances but this is very rare. In some states the adopting parents must be at least 10 years older than the child. So if you want to adopt a 15 year old boy you have to be at least 25 years of age. Then there is the residency question. Most states require that you be living at your current residence for at least 60 days.

So who can BE adopted? Generally, anyone under the age of 18. Of course depending on the state there are some additional requirements. For example, in some states the child has to be living in that state at the time of the adoption. So if you wanted to adopt someone from overseas you wouldnt be able to. In some states this extends further to the child having to be a resident for a certain length of time. Some states do allow the adoption of a person regardless of age but this is very rare.

Then there is the question of WHO can place a child for adoption. This is usually the birth parent or parents unless both are dead and then it is the agency to which custody of the child was appointed.

But this gets even more complicated. What if the birth mother and father are not married and the mother wants to put the child up for adoption but the father does not? This becomes an extremely messy situation. First there is the court battle between the mother and father to determine who gets the say in the matter. In most cases unless the mother is proven unfit the right to place the child up for adoption is granted. If not, however, then a determination has to be made as to whether or not the father is given custody of the child. We are assuming at this point that since he was against the adoption that he will want to keep the child, but he is in no way legally obligated to do this and can put the child up for adoption at a later date.

Then there are the adoption fees. In most states the adoptive parents have to pay these fees and they can be enormous, going into the tens of thousands of dollars. My associate thinks this is absurd. The parents dont want the child but its the adoptive parents who have to pay to get the child even though the child isnt wanted. Some would say that is hard logic to argue with. As you can see, adoption is not simple. Add to all the above that the adoption process can be a very lengthy one, sometimes taking years, it makes you wonder why anyone would go through the trouble. For that matter why would someone have to when there are so many unwanted children in the world?

It gives you something to think about.

Michael Russell Your Independent guide to African Safaris

Tags: Adoption, Red Tape

By Jenny Parker

The Screening process:

Make a list of what you and your spouse desire in a full-time nanny: What are your required hours, do you prefer a live-in or commuting nanny, how much experience do you require, do you require a nanny to have experience with children of any particular age (if you have a 3 month old, someone who has mostly worked with toddlers might not be ideal), what other duties are expected around the house (cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc.–child care should always be the primary duty), if you require them to speak a certain second language with your child, etc.

Then make a list of your most basic questions based on your requirements: Have this list by the phone, so you can ask every phone screen candidate this list of questions. Make several copies of this list and record every candidates answer with their name and phone numbers next to it. Later on, you may need to refer to these lists of questions and answers during the interview process or even when deciding between candidates.

Ask your candidates some basic questions too: Whats their ideal family to work for? Why are they currently looking? Do they have any unique requests for you?

If your screening process is successful, then you should only bring qualified candidates for the interview process.

The Interview process:
Meeting the candidates in person is the most important step of the hiring process, this is where you get to learn the most about your potential child care provider and observe her with your child. Yes, be sure to have your child there with you. If your child is an infant, see how comfortable she is holding your child and if your child is comfortable with her. If your child is a toddler, this meeting provides a great opportunity to see how she talks and interacts with a young child (yours). Take cues from your child!

During the interview process, again be prepared! Make a list of questions you and your spouse want to ask so you dont end the interview and later discover that you missed some information. It is very important that you put some thought into the questions and be sure to structure all your questions in a way that they can not be simply answered with a 'Yes' or 'No.' These are often really more 'topics for discussion' than actual 'questions.' Great topics can ensure that you can make the most informed hiring decision. Also, always ask for specific examples from their previous experience. Be friendly and courteous during the interview process so that the candidates are at ease and comfortable telling you about themselves. Below are some examples of topics to discuss:

Tell us about your experience working with children.

Tell us about your work/life before becoming a nanny.

Why did you decide to become a nanny? (If their answer is not because they love babies or young children, then ask what they enjoy the most about being a nanny)

What kind of family is the most ideal or suitable for you to work with? (This is almost an intelligence test…)

Tell us about your work with past families.

What was a typical day like when you were taking care of the child from family A?

What was typical week like?

What are some of your favorite activities that you liked to do with the toddler you took care of?

How do you handle a child who is having a temper tantrum?

Give us an example of when a child you took care of was hurt. How did you handle it?

Give us an example of a time when you and the childs parent had a disagreement about how to care for the child, and how did you and the parents handle it? (This question might tell if a nanny will listen to you or prefers to have her way).

What questions do you have for us?

The above are just some sample questions, you should construct questions of your own based on the issues that matter to you most. Also, if an answer peaked your interest or raised a question, always follow up with 'tell me more about that?' or 'why is that?' to learn more about your candidate.

Reference check:
Now that you have made your decision, a thorough reference check is in order to validate your selection. This is also your opportunity to uncover any red flags or surprises. After all, you are about to hand over the care of your baby to this person. Again, a well prepared list of questions can help you with getting the most out of the conversation with your potential nannys previous employers:

When did she start to work for your family? How old was your child at the time?

When did she leave? Why did she leave?

When your child was an infant, what was a typical day like for your baby?

When you child was a toddler, what was a typical day like for him?

What other duties does she have around the house besides child care?

What do you like the most about her?

Please share with me an area where you thought she could do better, how you brought it up to her, and how she handled it.

Can you share with me a time where you or your spouse had a disagreement with her about child care (maybe about eating, napping schedules, etc), and how the situation was handled?

If there was a time when your child was hurt, how did she handle it? (The best answer is that the child was never hurt under her care!)

How often is she late? and absent?

What advice do you have for me to ensure a successful partnership with her for my baby?

The Decision process:
Trust your gut. If something does not feel quite right, it is a 'no.' Both parents and the child (if old enough) have full 'veto' power. When considering between two similar candidates who are both equally qualified, the old standby of a 'pros' and 'cons' list is a good tool. Keep in mind that not all things on the list may be of equal importance.

If you hired her but it does not work out:
If you feel like you need to let her go, let her go right away! You cant afford to give the courtesy of a 2-week notice with someone you can not trust. Even if this means that you have to pay for the two weeks without getting the service. After all, we are talking about your precious but quite helpless baby.

If the hire is successful:
Count your blessings! Treat your nanny with respect and treat her like family! When you treat her like family, she will likely treat your child like family…like her own child or grandchild.

This article is printed with permission from AsianParent.com – Offering a large selection of Chinese childrens Books and DVDs for 0-12 year olds.

Mother of two small children, who loves to read.

Tags: Full Time Nanny, Screening Process

By alexis

However, medical experts advise that, even in the early stages of separation anxiety, proper interventions must be made. Some studies indicate that leaving this disorder to chance or neglecting it could could bring about illness and other negative effects on the child.

In this light, let us study how the proper use and observance of time can help children overcome separation anxiety. According to studies, this overwhelming fear most likely manifests in a child from the eighth month to its first year of growth. The childs ability to identify and determine the presence of parents is crucial. Leaving the baby or the child in a day care center may also expose them to other fears or heighten their anxiety because of the greater number of strangers in those places.

It is also helpful to know that every child needs time for dependence and independence from their parents. But the distinction of allowing children to be dependent, and then allowing them to learn to become independent is very important. Parents who unknowingly make strong attachments or loose attachments with their children influence the development of this form of anxiety. At this juncture, parents get confused as to whether they will gradually let go of their children or encourage more attachments. This scenario, instead of helping the children, would just complicate the separation anxiety.

One good advice to follow is to never leave children in a distressed state. Whenever a child has adverse feelings of hunger, restlessness, and sadness - it is not practical to leave them. It would just agitate the childs feeling. Whenever you are left with no choice but to leave your child to a baby-sitter or any family member, it is advisable that you let them associate with the child first. Letting the baby have quality time with the baby-sitter would allow them to have their own special relationship — which would then allow you to gradually reduce your babys demand for attention. When you need to go, your child will be all right even when youre not around. It is advisable to let them have fun with other children with you by their side. In a gradual phase, this will help your children to be more self reliant and, in effect, become successful in getting rid of separation anxiety.

Indeed, with our children, whether it is the act of rearing them or helping them deal with anxiety — 'theres no moment to lose.'

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Tags: Negative Effects, Special Relationship

By David Fishman

Fortunately, the educational aspects of the toy can be kept well hidden behind the fun the child derives. However, what I do know is that an educational toy is a toy that helps a child learn something good, something that will help in the future.

Once the child learns to speak the questions will start to flow and they will ask questions on just about anything. While your child is young many feel that introducing shapes, colors and sounds will help with the development of the brain, better to start early and reap the benefits. If the child is enjoying the toy, they will not see that they are being taught something, and it will still allow your child to have creative urges.

There are various types of educational toys that can be used to back up the learning process of children. The challenge for parents, child care providers and educators is to choose from the vast array of educational toys available in a way that creates a balance of learning techniques, is age appropriate, and most of all fun. Your baby is learning at a great speed, taking in everything that is around, and picking up habits, information and words. You must be involved in your babys learning process and provide more opportunities for them.

Thus, it is not a surprise that parents will just about anything to make sure that their kids are at play and learning at the same time. The demand for educational toys is fast growing, as more and more parents see the value behind these products and children start to appreciate the kind of learning they obtain from them. Its a shame that in todays world most parents dont have time to spend with their children, because both parents need to work to support the family. In todays world it parents do not care how much a toy is these days, as long as the child is happy and they are learning something from it the benefit will outweigh the price tag of the toy.

At a early age learning play is a big part of learning for the child since this is the main thing that children will do when they are young. It may seem like playing is just for fun and ordinary for the child but behind all of that the processes that are conjured and the learning from this play is reflected directly in the overall development and growth of the child. It no only helps in the learning process but for fine motor skills play is a must.

David Marc Fishman are the owner of Mailordermommy. Mailordermommy sells personalized party favors and party favors for children. Learn the secret of success.

Tags: Educational Stimuli, Parents Love Toys

By Patti Teel

Childrens sleep problems are extremely common. In 2004, the National Sleep Foundation reported that a whopping 69 percent of children under the age of ten have sleep difficulties. Obviously, something is terribly wrong when more children than not have trouble sleeping. Lax rules, difficulty transitioning from the family bed, stress, over stimulation and the media are all factors that contribute to the sleep problems that children face today. Admittedly, the number of children with sleep problems is staggering. However, by improving sleep hygiene and teaching children to relax, the majority of them will be relatively easy to solve.

There are a number of parenting books on the subject of sleep, and some of them are very popular and include some sound advice. However, most of them focus on babies and they give scant attention to the most useful long term solution for children–teaching kids to purposely relax their bodies and minds so that they can relax and/or fall asleep. I am bemused when authors nonchalantly advise parents to be sure that their child falls asleep independently in his own room, without telling parents how they should accomplish this remarkable feat.

The problem is that once a child is no longer sleeping in a crib, he will be up and out of his bed. Most authors dont seem to realize that many parents are buying their book and looking for advice after having shared their bed or assisted their child to fall asleep for months or even years. When they decide that its time for their child to fall asleep alone, reassuring, compassionate advice is not forthcoming. Instead, parents are made to feel as if they are failures–and that their child is doomed to continually have sleep problems because he didnt learn to fall asleep independently as a baby.

Many sleep experts warn you to expect your child to be upset for a period of time when you follow their program. Since the majority of them advise you to abruptly withdraw your attention at bedtime, with no mention of teaching a child self-soothing skills, being upset is certainly an understandable reaction. But learning to independently fall asleep does not have to be upsetting. However, expecting a child who has a sleep problem to fall asleep without first teaching him to relax is like expecting a child to read before he has learned the alphabet.

Let me offer you some reassurance. Even if your child has never fallen asleep without your assistance, its not too late for him to become an independent sleeper and The Floppy Sleep Game Book has a program that will show you how your child can do so.

In progressive steps, the Floppy Sleep Game program will teach your child to relax themselves to sleep while you gradually and systematically decrease your attention. You teach your child many things in life and one of the most important is to relax and fall asleep independently. Best of all, this can be accomplished without trauma, tears, or tantrums. This step towards independence does not have to be a painful process for you or your child.

Childrens two most frequent sleep problems are not being able to fall asleep and awakening during the night unable to fall back asleep. Brief night wakening is normal; however, once kids learn to fall asleep independently at bedtime, they will be able to fall back asleep when they briefly awaken during the night. In contrast, children who have difficulty falling asleep by themselves at bedtime usually have the same problem when they awaken during the night.

Learning self-soothing, relaxation skills will be beneficial for all children: those who have always been good sleepers, others who may have slept well as babies but developed sleep difficulties later on, as well as children who have continually struggled with sleep. In addition to enabling your child to fall asleep, relaxation skills will help children to become more resilient and capable of calmly dealing with stressful situations.

The Floppy Sleep Game Program: An Overview

Before beginning The Floppy Sleep Game program, you will be keeping a sleep journal. For one week you will be carefully observing your child and recording the information you gather. The sleep journal is important because you will be identifying any underlying problems, including habits or behaviors, which may be contributing to your childs sleep problems. Then, you will be implementing any changes you plan to make as you begin teaching your child to relax and fall asleep. If, for example, you found that your child was taking too long of a nap during the day, you would be sure that you adjust this before beginning the program. While the majority of sleep problems are behavioral, the sleep journal will help you to identify a more serious problem and your observations will help your physician to make an accurate diagnosis.

When you begin the program, its important to take a few minutes each evening to have your child practice the three simple relaxation techniques that he will be using in the program. The three steps of The Floppy Sleep Game program consist of: guided relaxation, focused breathing and visualization. The order of the program is very important. The guided relaxation portion is first because it will help children to become calm, relaxed, and quiet enough to focus on their breathing. Children are wonderfully receptive to guided relaxation. It often helps if they are first taught to tense and then relax each of the muscle groups, a technique known as progressive relaxation. In step 2, as children focus on their breath, they will continue to become more and more relaxed. In this dreamy, relaxed state, they will be ready for step three, which is visualization. Visualization skills are enhanced through practice and eventually your child will be able to easily visualize on his own as he effortlessly drifts off to sleep.

Each week, your child will be getting less and less direction from you as they follow the three steps of the program and become more capable of relaxing themselves to sleep. During week one you will read the guided relaxation routine, the focused breathing instructions and visualization to your child, assisting him with the directions and guiding him through the process. Throughout the first week, you will continue to stay in the room as your child follows your directions, relaxes and falls asleep. You will, however, be giving less assistance throughout the week as your child becomes more adept at following your instructions.

During week two, rather than having you read the guided relaxation and focused breathing instructions, your child will be listening to it on the recording that comes with The Floppy Sleep Game Book. When its finished, if your child is still awake, you can read them a visualization or continue with the recording.

During week 3, your child will be falling asleep without you in the room. They will either listen to The Floppy Sleep Game Book recording, or a personalized tape you have made consisting of a guided relaxation exercise, focused breathing instructions and a visualization. In week four, you will leave the room and your child will have the choice of falling asleep with or without a recording.

This system is designed for parents who want their children to fall asleep independently, in their own beds. If your child has been co-sleeping with you, be sure you are committed to this change before starting the program. If you waffle back and forth, letting your child sleep with you at times and other times not, you will probably not be successful. Start The Floppy Sleep Game program when youre well rested and dedicated to helping your child take one more step towards becoming self-reliant.

Patti Teel is the creator of a highly acclaimed audio series that teaches children a fail-proof way to relax themselves to sleep through relaxation exercises, visualizations, music & storytelling. Her new book for parents, The Floppy Sleep Game, picks up up where the recordings left off. It contains a step-by-step program for parents to follow and teach their children to relax and/or fall asleep.

Tags: Bedtime, Teach Relax

By Susanne Myers

Most children will potty train when they are between 2 and 4. Girls tend to be ready a little sooner than boys. If there are older siblings in the house, your younger child will also get interested in using the potty sooner than a single child. I have seen children as young as 18 months, who could barely walk wanting to use the potty like their older sibling. These children were ready for potty training and were out of diapers in no time.

Your child will give you quite a few signals to let you know he or she is ready to give the potty a try. Pay attention to your childs behavior and you will know if it is time to start the training.

A child that is ready for the potty will start showing interest in what mom, dad and older siblings are doing in the bathroom. Take some of the mystery out of the potty for your toddler, by allowing him to accompany you to the bathroom, or leave the door cracked. Curiosity will get the better of him and sooner or later he will take a peak. When he does, explain what you are doing in a simple, straightforward way.

Does your child start pulling on his clothing or ask to have a diaper change? Is he getting increasingly more uncomfortable running around in a wet or soiled diaper? This is another sure tell sign that it is time to start potty training.

If you think your child may be ready, give potty training a try. If you read your childs signals wrong, he will let you know and you can just give it a little more time before trying again.

For more information about potty training, potty training tips and a free ecourse to help you potty train your child visit http://www.mypottytraining.com

Tags: Older Siblings, Potty Train

By Nicole Munoz

Many little ones become afraid of the dark or have fears of monsters during early childhood. Children are often afraid they will miss an exciting event if they go to bed. Whatever the reason, a number of parents have trouble putting their little ones to bed on time. Developing a nightly bedtime routine will make things easier, but parents must be consistent and must firmly enforce any new rules.

A number of parents share a room or a bed with their infant and will sometimes continue to allow their young children to sleep with them for a few years. Eventually, all children have to sleep in their own room and parents hope their child will stay in their own bed until morning. Creating a room that your child loves is the first step.

Allow your child to help in decorating his room. Choose a bed that he will feel comfortable in. Full size beds may be intimidating to a child who has just left a crib, so a toddler bed may be more appropriate. Let your child help choose the bedding, the colors, and maybe even the placement of the furniture. If your child likes his room and feels comfortable in his bed, he is more likely to sleep there through the night.

At least 30 minutes before bedtime, begin your childs nightly bedtime routine. A bedtime routine will work best if it is kept simple, but something your child enjoys and looks forward to each day. A warm bath usually helps a child wind down to prepare for sleep. A bedtime story or lullaby can help your child relax as well. Allow your child to choose the toy she will take to bed and tuck her in. If you lie down with her, be sure to get up and leave the room before she falls asleep.

Frequent interruptions and changes in your childs bedtime routine may make it more difficult to keep her in bed each night. It is important to continue the routine on a nightly basis once you have established it. Once bedtime is easier, it is time to get your child to stay in her bed at night. Many children continue to wake up and cry or come to their parents room during the night.

If your child doesnt want to stay in his room, stay firm and enforce the new rule that he sleeps in his bed all night. Gently walk him back to bed and leave the room. Bending the rules because your child whines or cries will only make the problem worse. If your child is afraid of the dark, a nightlight or soft lamp may be a welcome addition to their room. If monsters are waking her up at night, you may try adding a monster check to your bedtime routine to get rid of anything that may be hiding under the bed.

If bedtime problems persist, a bedside bottle of monster repellent (a spray bottle filled with water) may calm your child. Soft music like Baby Einsteins Lullaby Classics CD may help your little one drift off to sleep. Special rewards or stickers may help your child develop a habit of sleeping in his own room as well. Be consistent with your reactions and remain firm with your expectations. It may take time, but your child will soon learn to get himself to sleep.

For more helpful tips and information about educational toys, please visit our website at www.thekidstoystore.com.

Tags: Bedtime Problems, Making Bedtime

By Hege Crowton

Having a child running around the house all day can be very exhausting on a parent and it is only right that you as a parent are able to have some time to yourself after your child has gone to bed. A growing child needs a lot of sleep and there is no reason the kid should have the same bedtime as you. The evening should be your time to enjoy and recoup for the next day.

Many parents ask themselves what is a reasonable time for when their child should be in bed. When the child is no longer being bottle fed or breast fed but is eating like the rest of the family a good time for them to be in bed is somewhere around 8 oclock. This will provide them with the 10-11 hours of sleep they need a night and they will wake up without being grumpy.

To begin with lots of parents will find it hard to get their child to bed at this time if they havent had this schedule before but as long as you are able to stick to it you will soon find that after a while the child will start getting tired around this time and the objection of going to bed will be less and less the longer you are able to enforce this without giving in to their protests.

How about you as a parent, would it not be wonderful to have a few hours a night all to yourself? Of course it would and by no means does this mean that you dont love your child. You are showing a lot of love by taking charge and setting limits and rules as well as a set schedule, which every child needs. It gives them security, stability and they know what to expect and what is expected of them.

For no reason should you feel discouraged if you are not able to get your child on a set schedule within a few days because it will take some time to get them in the habit besides children are nosy little people who likes to know what is going on so naturally they are going to fight you all the way until they realize that you are in charge and this is the way it is.

Therefore, for the well being of both you and your child it may be a very good idea to start getting them on the way to a regular bed time schedule. The sooner you are able to enforce this, the less of a struggle you will have. The older they are before you start setting limits the harder of a time you will have and at times it can actually get quite ugly when it comes to 'fighting' your child to prove who is in charge.

Hege Crowton is an established expert copywriter. She is known for doing in-depth research before writing her articles. www.Ispjv.com www.Submitcontent.com Copyright 2005 ParentingContent.com

Tags: Bed Time Schedule, Childs Bedtime

By B. Bryan Post, PhD, LCSW

Bishop T.D. Jakes says, 'If you always do what youve always done, you will always be where youve already been!' If the dunce chair or standing with your nose in the corner didnt work when we were children, then why do we think by dressing it up as something seemingly more contemporary, that it is going to work now? Many of you may be saying, 'But it does work. All I have to do is start counting to three and my child stops their behavior to avoid time out,' or maybe youre saying, 'If its good enough for Super Nanny, its good enough for me.' Have you seen the new King Kong flick? Well, to a two-year old, an adult looks something like Kong did to the blonde, an utter giant. Wouldnt you sit in a chair for two or three minutes if King Kong told you to do so? Wouldnt you stop your behavior if you knew that if you continued, you would lose the loving support of your most secure attachment figure? Help me understand how it makes sense to send a child whose behavior is clearly communicating that they are unable to manage their current emotional state, to go sit by themselves to sort through their upset emotions, alone. 'Time-out' does not recognize the developmental and regulatory struggles a child is demonstrating in the midst of their behavior of acting out. Consider for a moment that rather than a child acting out for attention, he is in fact, acting out because he needs attention. Read that sentence again. It can make all of the difference. Instead of sending the child off to sit in a chair or be isolated, bring the child into you for a period of time. Have him sit next to you, hold your hand, stand beside you. Say to the child, 'When you are feeling better you may go back and play.' In other words, allow the child to determine how much time-in that he needs. Important point: It is not imperative that you touch the child during this time. A child that does not want to be touched, or reacts violently, should not be touched. In that moment, the child is in survival mode and feels very threatened. Keep your distance, but indicate to the child that you are nearby and will stay so, until the child feels safer.

'Time-in' can be a very effective alternative to 'time-out'. 'Time-in' teaches compassion, regulation, the ability to create internal calm in the midst of stress, and understanding. Before providing 'Time-In' for your child, give some to yourself. Take a moment, find a quiet corner, take four deep breaths, and find your calm, peaceful self. Now you are ready to help calm your child.

Copyright© 2006 Dr. Bryan Post. All rights reserved.

To learn more about 'time-in' and calming your child when in a state of stress, visit http://www.postfamilysystem.com and http://www.parentingtheadoptedchild.com . B. Bryan Post PhD, LCSW, is an internationally recognized expert in the treatment of children and families struggling with issues related to traum

Tags: Childs Emotional Security, Time Out Sucks

By Tamar Levy

This article examines the term quality time and tries to clarify what should be emphasized when planning quality time with children. It also examines ways of knowing how to choose the better quality products from among the wealth of offerings on the market.

The meaning of the term quality time

The term was coined in response to the many hours parents work and the long stretches of time they are away from home. Behind it is the notion that it not only the number of hours the parent spends with the child are important, but also the quality of the time, that is, how the parent fills the time he spends with his child.

Quality time means time devoted exclusively to the child and to engaging in activities with him. The parent interacts with and focuses all his attention on the child. The interaction consists of communication between them at a time when the parent is entirely free from other activities: he does not think about work, talk on the phone, try to sneak a peek at the TV, etc. Quality means emotional quality for the child. When the parent concentrates on the child, the latter feels he is important, loved and wanted. Those feelings contribute significantly to his self-confidence and to his relationship with the parent. During quality time, that is, when the parent is completely attentive to the child, it is easier for the child to open up share with his parent all kinds of things. That mutuality is very important for the foundation of the parent-child relationship and also enables the child to receive feedback from the parent, which will help him process his experience and perhaps see things from a different angle.

Quality time is not necessarily a time for 'productions' or distractions, but rather a time when the parent is entirely focused on the child, attentive to him and as available as possible. Thus reading a story, playing a board game, or even playing hide and seek inside the house are all activities which can become quality time.

Quality time is not measured in terms of what the child has learned from the interaction but rather according to how much real, full attention he has received. Not every action with the child has to be educational. In todays competitive society there is a very strong tendency to have the child make as much progress as possible and to enrich his knowledge. It is true that the child learns a great deal from his parents and that the parent has the enormous responsibility for teaching the child, but that does not mean that there is no time to play. If the parent and child played hide and seek and enjoyed themselves, then the child experienced quality time and profited emotionally

How is quality time spent?

Even if it is understood that quality time is measured by how free the parent is for the child, there is still the question of how to channel the time. The leading principle should be mutual enjoyment, that is, to search for activities that will enable pleasant, attentive interaction.

One way of spending the afternoon is to take the child to a local attraction, such as a jamboree or performance. When the parent decides on such an attraction it is important to remember not to raise the level of stimulation too quickly for small children. If a child is taken to an amusement park when he is two years old, where will his parent take him when he is four? If the parent decides to go to a performance, it is better at first to go to small, intimate performances and only at a later age to go to larger productions. To make the outing interesting the level of stimulation will have to be raised, and if it is high from the outset, problems are likely to arise. In addition, smaller places enable closer parent-child interaction, and that is what is really important.

Creative activities

Mutual parent-child creative activities can be an excellent time for closeness and conversation. For the child to be able to utilize his capacities and feel comfortable while engaging in creative activities, it is important to let him do things his own way. For example the parent should not force the child to fill the whole page when drawing or demand that he use specific colors. Since his finished work is his personal stamp, it is important not to interpret the work but to allow the child to explain it himself. It is also important to provide detailed positive reinforcement as to why the work is pretty. Because the childs finished product is an externalization of his inner world it is important to treat it with respect.

Of course, children of different ages can be given different materials to work with, from Playdoh and finger-paints to scissors and glue.

Games and toys

Todays market is flooded with games and toys and the supply is enormous. The child does not need a lot of everything: he can play with the same toy a number of times, and he will only profit by using his imagination to find new ways of playing with the same game.

Choosing games and toys

First of all, the game or toy should be interesting and fun to play with for both parent and child, since both will play with it. It must be completely safe for the child. To be interesting it should be suited to the childs level of development, including language ability, motor skills and ability to deal with complicated instructions. The game or toy does not have to teach the child something, it has to provide a pleasant mutual experience. To know which game is suitable for the childs development, the parent can consult friends, the Internet, the kindergarten staff or friends with children.

In principle, at around two years of age the child can be acquainted with games that require coordination based on the understanding of concepts, such as the animal and its dwelling, the mother animal and its young, dominoes, etc. Such games allow the child to experience the significance of playing in turn, of playing with others and of postponing gratification, which are all skills he will acquire and practice, and calm interaction with a parent is a good time for such learning.

At around three years of age the child begins to play 'pretend', a socio-dramatic game that essentially imitates situations in the adult world. It is worthwhile to provide him with equipment for such games, such as kitchen utensils and a doctors bag, etc.

Physical games

Studies have shown that children with lots of good experience in movement will grow up with a positive self-image and confidence in themselves and their abilities. Parents should provide their children with motor experiences such as hide and go seek, a play ground or just and dance and jump together. Such games are often entertaining for the child and can also serve as a good way for parents and children to become close. The physical contact which is part of such games adds to parent-child closeness.

The importance of books

Reading books is a wonderful way of creating quality time, in that both parent and child concentrate together and experience the book being read. There are three kinds of childrens books: those whose aim is to help the child through an emotional process, such as weaning, going to sleep, divorce, etc.; those with an educational message, such as 'it is best to be what you are,' 'everyone is different and special,' etc.; and those which simply tell a story.

Regardless of the kind of story, first of all the child will profit from an intimate, pleasant situation with the parent, and the resulting enjoyment will reinforce the relationship, which is a very important benefit. Naturally, an additional benefit for the child will be the development of his vocabulary and language in general.

Many books raise the childs independent emotional awareness. Children tend to identify relatively easily with characters in stories or to transfer the characters to significant figures in their own world. They discover that they are not the only ones to cope with a specific difficulty, and through a book can better understand their own feelings. Very often books suggest solutions which the child can adopt as is, or can use them as the basis for other solutions.

Books enable the child to preserve a certain distance from what happens: the story is not about him but about a fictional character and the distance allows him to examine his emotions, thoughts and behavior in a relatively protected and secure way, thus he can consider them without fear. Such a conversation will be possible mainly in quality time situations, that is, situations in which the child feels the parent is attentive to him and only him.

Choosing books

Today there are a great many books for toddlers, but how can the parent know if they are good or not? How can he know if it is suitable for his child? First of all, as with games, the book must please the parent who is supposed to read it. Then the following should be examined:

1. The relationship between text and pictures: as the child grows, there should be more text and fewer illustrations.

2. The degree to which the written language is suitable for the language of the child: at the beginning of language acquirement rhymes are more suitable, songs and poems that can be recited; later complex sentences can be included, as can the prepositions the child is supposed to learn.

3. The degree to which the book activates the child: action books arouse a greater degree of activity while they are being read, which is suitable for younger children whose attention span is shorter.

4. Illustrations: are they pleasing to look at, can they be used to develop interaction, etc.?

5. How complicated the story is: the older the child, the more complicated and longer the story can be, and the greater the number of characters it can have.

6. Coordinating the story to situations in the childs life: if the parents know that changes are about to occur, shortly beforehand it is preferable to read a story in preparation for the subject, and to enable the child to process his feelings before the change takes place.

7. The child should be allowed to choose: the child can choose between two books the parent liked in the bookstore, and he can certainly choose what he wants to hear from among the books he has at home.

In summation, the most important thing about quality time is that it devotes attention to the child. The joint activity does not have to be very instructive or a great production, it should simply be done together.

Tamar Levy is a child development specialist and obtains a M.A. in Preschool Counseling. Tamar acts as Director of Content at Babytoonz, a leading producer of baby television programs and DVDs for infants.

Tags: Creative Activities, Quality Time

By Vaughn Balchunas

Bed Wetting and Children

Bed wetting is one of the most common bedtime issues with children. Boys are most often bed wetters as opposed to girls. Studies have shown that boys wet the bed up to twice as much as girls do. Bed wetting can not only cause stress for your child, but very often it causes embarrassment, as well. You should consult with a doctor if your childs if:

Your child is over the age of 7 and is still bed wetting. Your child is potty trained then all the sudden starts bed wetting. Your child tells you they need help.

It is also a good idea to seek professional help if your childs bed wetting is affecting his ability to sleep.

Nightmares

It is common for most children to experience nightmares every once in a while. Nightmares are just one bedtime issue regarding children. They most often occur during light sleep, and will usually awaken your child. They leave children very frightened, and most of the time a child will not want to go back to sleep. There are some actions you can take to help your child with this bedtime issue.

Firstly, you can limit what your child sees on television before bedtime. By eliminating violent shows and movies from your childs viewing, you will be in a sense, preventing a nightmare before it happens. Trying to prevent nightmares in the first place is always a good idea.

Secondly, you should anticipate nightmares, and always be prepared. It is very important for a parent to go to their child if their child is awaken at night by a scary dream. In order to go back to sleep successfully, your child may need your comfort, as well as your support.

Lastly, reassure your child after a bad dream, and remind them that you are always there to be their protector. You should always speak to your child in a calm manner, and always tell them it is safe to go back to sleep. Stay with your child as long as they need you to, but do not let your child get in bed with you. It is very important to make them comfortable in their own bed.

Bedtime can often be stressful, no matter what the issue might be. The most important factor in regular, peaceful sleep is routine. By establishing a set routine, it will help your child develop more consistent sleeping habits, as they will be training themselves when they should be tired. Routines can actually take the stress out of bedtime, and thus eliminate most bedtime issues.

For more information about children and bed wetting and parenting preschoolers and teenagers visit http://parentingclub.info

Tags: Bedwetting, Nightmares

By Linda Milo

Very soon after birth, a baby will also learn the sounds of ah, oh, and oo. These are called 'comfort sounds' and you can usually hear them when your baby is content. Paying attention to these different sounds helps to establish a way your baby can talk to you. Every baby understands that when he makes these sounds, his mother or father will respond by doing something. At about six months of age, these sounds will show up in combination. This is the point when your baby will start to babble.

When your child starts 'baby talk,' your response should be smiles and praises. Imitate that sound back to your child. When you imitate these sounds, hell probably say them right back to you. Hug your child and tell him how pleased you are that he is talking. How much and in what way our child will talk depends, to a great extent, on you. A child hears his first words from his parents and for the first few years most of the speech they continue to hear is from you. If a lot of talking goes on in the home, particularly directed to them, they will assume speech is important. They will work harder at speaking and will talk sooner and more.

Language develops by speaking with your child as much as possible. Whenever youre feeding, changing, bathing, and walking your child, talk to him. When you talk to your children, they are learning to put words to certain actions and objects. This helps your child express his needs in words. In order for you to share more complicated thoughts and ideas, your child must begin to develop language, speech at first and then writing. Just a few simple sounds during the first year of life will lead to the use of thousands of words by the time your child is a teenager.

Another wonderful way to stimulate language development is by reading to your child daily. You can read during the day or before bedtime. Hearing your voice communicates love and security to your child. Many parents tell me that their child lets them know they want to be read to when they being a book out of their book basket or shelf and hand it to their parents to read to them.

Childrens feelings are a good way to stimulate and nurture your child. Use words to describe how you think your child is feeling: 'Jane looks very unhappy right now,' or 'Tim is feeling happy.' Putting words to feelings will help your child express how they feel. This is a lifelong skill that will benefit your childs self-esteem and thoughts of himself. With the ability to use words, phrases and sentences, your child gains mastery of his environment by expressing his needs and understanding the needs of others.

Your child is a natural born explorer. There are many ways to help your child develop a sense of touch and stimulation, which helps in his overall development. Every child likes to touch, taste, grab, twist, bite, and pull on anything within their reach. Giving your child safe things to play with and touch helps their eye-hand coordination and sense of exploration. Here are some ways to help stimulate your childs development:

· Give your child things of different colors and sizes. · Dance and sing with your child in your arms. · Stimulate your childs body by a daily full body massage. · Children love when you play with their hands and feet and tickle them gently. · Stimulate your child with gentle rocking and singing songs. · Give your child safe things to touch: objects that are soft, fuzzy, sticky, hard, squishy, etc. · Show your child his and your face in a large mirror.

Stimulating, nurturing and communicating with your child from the day of his birth creates a conscious effort on your part to encourage your child to find life exciting and wonderful. Your childs physical, intellectual, language and social and emotional development depends upon your interactions with your child. You are the person your child most imitates throughout his lifetime. So give your child the best start in life by providing a loving, stimulating and caring environment that sends the message, 'I love you and want the best for you.'

Copyright © 2006 by Linda Milo and Empowering Parents Now. All rights reserved.

Linda Milo, The Parent-Child Connection Coach, specializes in helping mothers and fathers turn their parenting challenges into a more livable, more workable, and more enjoyable family life. Her FREE better parenting newsletter covers specific, proven, and immediately usable methods for overcoming the most common parenting challenges. Visit http://www.empoweringparentsnow.com to subscribe to her FREE newsletter.

Tags: Communicating, Nurturing, Stimulating

By Rob Newby

When you and your spouse are deciding to separate or divorce you need to include your children in the conversation, if they are old enough to understand what is happening to them. Dont wait to spring the bad news. Children often feel they are the cause of the breakup. So the sooner you talk to them the better. Tell them how they will see both parents and how often. Recently I have been hearing a lot of men petitioning the court for increased visitation rights. They want to spend more time with their children.

A good visitation rights schedule should help with addressing some of your childs fears. It is very important how they are told their parents are separating. You should explain it to them in a manner that they can understand and not be afraid of what will happen next. Both parents must cooperate with each other for the benefit of the child.

Visitation rights isnt just a schedule where you dictate a time and place to pick up your child, but should be well thought out for the maximum benefit - Quality Time with the Child. You must take into consideration the age and gender of the child when planning activities. If the child is an infant, you may consider short, but frequent visits with the non-custodial parent, because they require more care.

Make Visitation Rights easy on the Children. Children want to send time with their non-custodial parent. Make that time Quality time for them. Be involved in their activities, even if its not your weekend. As children get older they want to send less time with their parents. Dont get offended when your teenager want to hang out with their friends on your scheduled time. Whatever visitation rights arrangement is agreed upon, you must concentrate on the wants and needs of the child and not on the rights or perceived rights of parents. I know I have focused on the children more than the parents regarding visitation rights, but as a product of divorced parents those are the things that stuck out for me.

I have a FREE report, giving you tips on winning favorable child custody and visitation rights arrangements at http://child-custody-secrets.com.

You can get the comprehensive Child Custody Package at http://child-custody-secrets.com/custodycenter.html If your going through a separation or divorce you need to protect your rights and you children as early as possible!

Tags: Divorced Parents, Visitation Rights

By Rebecca Walker

The development of your child is a complex and involved process, spanning a number of different physical and mental elements. Encouraging the mental development of your child, in terms of sociality, intellect and emotion is crucial in raising a well-rounded child to progress to adulthood, although it can often be quite difficult to think of creative and effective ways to stimulate this kind of development in your child. Given its importance, this kind of child development should be conducted both in and out of the classroom environment, to provide a consistent, efficient approach to growth and mental strength. In this article, we will look at some of the ways you as a parent can help stimulate your child's development.

Stimulating child development is a crucial part of raising a child, and requires creativity as much as consideration and thought for the requirements of mature thought and intellect. As a parent, it can often be hard to understand how best to stimulate your child intellectually, and of course there are no rulebooks telling you how it must be done. A great deal of the process comes down to exercising common sense, and understanding the needs and requirements of your child. Through constant interaction with your child, you can help gain a better understanding of the emotional and physical needs which you should then cater to whilst pushing for intellectual development and challenge.

As a parent, you should actively look to immerse your child in reading and writing suitable for their stage of development, whilst also prompting basic numeracy and problem solving capabilities. This combined with the opportunity for creative expression should be a great way to encourage your child and build confidence, as well as creating and strengthening the social bond between parent and child. This kind of interaction and stimulation will ultimately improve your child's social skills, and help emphasise the importance of emotional intelligence, as a supplement to social and academic intelligence.

By providing a range of activities for your child to accomplish, and providing praise and reward for successful completion, you can make learning and development fun for your child, and install a sense of passion as regards learning and self improvement. Through providing constant stimulation for your child, in balance with an emphasis on self dependence, you can create a suitable environment for personal and social development as your child ages and matures.

Child development is not set in stone, and it can be quite difficult to get it perfect every time. Similarly it takes a bit of getting to know your child and interaction on a parental basis, which again will differ from family to family. What is important, however, is that you present a consistent approach to parenting, providing the levels of intellectual and emotional stimulation required by your child at the various stages of development to raise your child to its full potential. By working in-sync with your local school and the educational development of your child, you can give him or her the best chance of success later down the line.

The author Rebecca Walker writes articles for childfont.com. He also gives valuable information about child development, home schooling %26 reading, child development %26 learning to read, active white board are accessible on the internet.

 

Tags: Mental Development, Stimulating Child Development

By Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist

Definition of Child Sexual Abuse

Child sexual abuse is any form of sexual activity with a child by an adult, or by another child where there is no consent or consent is not possible; or by another child who has power over the child. By this definition, it is possible for a child to be sexually abused by another child who is younger than they are.

Sexual abuse includes, but is not limited to, showing a child pornographic materials, placing the child's hand on another person's genitals, touching a child's genitals, and/or penetration of any orifice of a child's body (mouth, vagina, anus) with a penis, finger, or an object of any sort. Penetration does not have to occur for it to be sexual abuse.

Who are the Perpetrators?

Perpetrators are most often someone the child knows and trusts. As far as we know, perpetrators, are most often male relatives, including fathers, brothers, grandfathers, uncles and cousins; friends of the family; or neighbours. Perpetrators can also be female, including mothers, sisters, aunts, babysitters, and grandmothers.

Usually the perpetrator has easy access to the child because s/he has sole responsibility for the child, or takes care of or visits the child, and is trusted by the child's parents.

Where Does Sexual Abuse Occur?

Sexual abuse or incest can occur anywhere, at any time, including in front of other people who do not, or choose to not see. I have heard many stories of children being abused while other people were in the next room, in a car with them, or sitting at a dinner table.

Who is Sexually Abused?

All children are vulnerable to sexual abuse. Sexual abuse and incest occur in every race, class, religion, culture, and country.

Once a child has been sexually abused, and has not received appropriate help, support, and understanding for what has happened, s/he can be particularly vulnerable to being sexually abused again by another perpetrator. This is not the fault of the child. This is due to the fact that she has learned that sexual abuse is something that people will and can do to her/his body.

Children whose emotional needs are not met–who are emotionally deprived, or otherwise abused–can also be more vulnerable because they need attention and some perpetrators exploit that need. Again, this is not the child's fault. The child did not create the fact that her/his needs were not met, nor the fact that someone exploited that need.

Homophobia puts lesbian and gay youth at risk of sexual abuse. Many gay youth are forced to go to adult clubs, bars and other settings in order to explore their sexuality and to meet other prople who are gay. By being in an adult setting they are more likely to be exploited (just as heterosexual girls would be at risk in an adult heterosexual setting). Also, it is unlikely that gay youth will tell anyone if they are abused because they would have to reveal that they were in a gay setting. With little or no access to information about gay sexuality, many youth misinterpret abuse experiences as representing what it means to be gay. This puts them at further risk.

Different Effects and Coping Strategies of Child Sexual Abuse

The effects of child sexual abuse are wide ranging, and vary from survivor to survivor depending on a number of different factors such as the age of the victim, the duration of the abuse, the number of perpetrators, the nature of the relationship with the perpetrator, and the severity of the assault.

I always hesitant to write that last one–the severity of the assault–because all abuse is traumatic and harmful to victims. I have known women quite traumatized by their breasts being repeatedly grabbed when they were a child. While this may not be as severe as some other forms of abuse, it can have strong and long-lasting effects. It's important to remember that while being assaulted in a more violent manner does have its own specific effects, it in no way minimizes the reality and experience of others who have not experienced that kind of violence.

Emotional Effects

Includes feelings of: confusion, powerlessness, helplessness, pain, betrayal, sadness, grief, loss, feeling dirty, shame, vulnerable, unsafe, scared, terrified, horrified, depressed, angry, numb from feelings and body, suspicious, untrusting, tortured, sensitive, emotional, hurt, panic, anxiety, and feeling miserable.

Beliefs About Self

Beliefs about one's self include: "I am bad, no one loves me, no one could love me, I am unlovable, I am dirty, it's my fault, I'm stupid, I should have done something, I should have told someone, I hate myself, I must be bad, I must have wanted it, I must have done something, I'm being punished, I deserve to die, I don't want to be me, why do these things happen to me, I must have deserved it"

Minimizing Beliefs

Survivors are confronted with overwhelming pain. In order to cope with extreme and intense emotions, the details of what happened, and who hurt them, they may try to convince themselves "it wasn't so bad, it didn't really hurt them, others have been hurt much more" etc. This is a form of self-protection. It did hurt, it still hurts but it may be too hard or scary right now to face it all.

As a form of self-protection, minimizing may help slow the process down which may be what the survivor needs from time to time. As a constant way of coping however, minimization leads to self-blame and self-hatred which is not helpful and hurts a great deal.

Rationalization

Suvivors need to protect themselves from the truth of the situation, after all someone they trusted, and perhaps loved, hurt them very badly. Rationalization is when a survivor explains the abusive behavior away–"he didn't know what he was doing, he was abused himself as a child, he thought he was showing me love, she was really messed up, she didn't mean to hurt me." The survivor is trying to protect her/himself from the horrible truth of the situation.

Denial

Denial is recognizable by a survivor saying, "it didn't happen; I must be making it up; after all how can I be sure anything actually happened; and what if I'm wrong; it probably didn't happen; it couldn't have happened."

In my experience, some denial even as an adult can be helpful. Denial can help slow the process down. We know denial helps a child to survive. We cannot expect someone to simply abandon their hard earned coping strategies even if they are safe now. Safety is not only an external reality it is an internal one as well. Many survivors do not feel safe and may need some denial to cope with how they feel.

Too much denial leads to all sorts of problems as the abuse is not addressed. This kind of denial is harmful and is fuelled in part by the denial of the "False Memory Syndrome" Foundation and other parts of society who would rather deny than face the reality of child sexual abuse.

Dissociation, DID, MPD, and Multiplicity

We all dissociate to some extent or another. Babies do it quite regularly. It is a natural physiological response to being overwhelmed. Children who are sexually abused are extraordinarily overwhelmed. Dissociation allows the child to literally take a break from the abuse, to distance her/himself from what is going on, and ultimately to survive.

Some survivors describe dissociation as feeling as though they were not really there during the abuse, but were far away perhaps watching from a distance. Some survivors describe it as they split off from the abuse, and floated up to the ceiling or into a crack in the wall. Some survivors go really far away, deep inside themselves, and create different personalities to deal with the abuse. Multiple personalities are usually formed in the context of more extreme, frequent, or sadistic abuse.

Dissociation occurs on a continuum from the far left where someone is not present in the moment and is off somewhere else, they may or may not feel spacey–everyone does this at one time or another. Further along the continuum people feel split, or like they are not one person inside, usually there is an adult and a really vulnerable or hurt kid. Further along, survivors have a few dissociated personalities. Even further toward the right of the continuum, people have many different personalities, identities, parts, fragments, and/or different groups of parts inside. These personalities may or may not have names. Survivors near the right end may not have fully formed personalities, but lots of highly fragmented parts. At the far right end, survivors lose time which they may or may not be aware of. They may find themselves places, and not remember how they got there and have the experience of living different "lives".

In addition to a continuum of dissociation and multiplicity, there is a continuum of co-consciousness–the degree to which parts inside are aware of each other, and communicate and cooperate with one another. Achieving co-consciousness is an important step in the healing process. For help responding to different parts inside and developing internal cooperation see my article DID, MPD, or Multiplicity: Responding to Parts Inside With a Focus on Kids

Problems with Boundaries

Because a survivor's boundaries were not respected–they were utterly violated–s/he may have a lot of difficulty knowing where her/his boundaries are, how to maintain them, and how to protect her/himself from those who do not respect or try to violate her/his boundaries. This leaves many survivors vulnerable to further abuse.

Trusting Others

It can be very difficult for a survivor to trust anyone. It can be even harder when that person is close to them, and cares for them. Often the abuser was that–someone who had a close and trusting relationship with them. Adult relationships, particularly sexual ones, can be quite challenging and triggering for survivors. At the same time, they can be a source of great love, safety, and healing too.

Relationship With One's Body

Since the abuse took place on and in the body, the body can become the enemy. After all many survivors' carry a great deal of pain and memories in their bodies. Desperately needing ways to cope with this pain can lead to a variety of coping strategies including eating disorders, self-injurious behaviors, numbing, inability to enjoy sex, having lots of sex, poor body image, a generalized separation from and disregard for one's body, dissociation, and gender-identity issues.

Coping Behaviors

There are a whole range of behaviors that survivors may engage in that come from having been sexually abused. They include: addictions, prostitution, isolation, frequent sexual activity, avoidance of sex, over-working, inability to work, high-functioning, low-functioning, argumentativeness, avoiding conflict, perfectionist, and wanting to please others.

All of these behaviors were learned in response to abuse and served an important purpose–staying sane and alive. It is important to not judge your or anyone else's ways of coping–you're here because of them.

Other effects

These may include nightmares, insomnia, panic attacks, flashbacks, anxiety attacks, terror, inability to go outside, afraid being alone, afraid being with other people, numerous trigger-responses, headaches, and physical problems (yeast infections, bladder infections, anal bleeding, etc.)

A Final Thought

While it may be tempting to focus on how awful it is to be abused, it's important to not lose sight of the reality that survivors are full human beings with many gifts and talents to offer the world. Some of the most sensitive, intuitive, deep, profound, creative, and hopeful people I've known are incest/child sexual abuse survivors. They were able to be that way by not losing touch with their humanity–their soulfulness–in the face of others' inhumanity. We can all learn a great deal from survivors.

Tags: Incest, Sexual Abuse

By ken wilson

Children's literature contains the most notable quantity of adventure and mystery. These types of books are a mixture between emotion and energy. Imagine reading a bedtime story from a book that has received the Children's Book Award. Having a great family moment is easier if you take into consideration the titles competing for book awards.

Book awards aim at launching the next great names in literature and at serving the readers in their quest for satisfaction. Choosing a book you think will surprise you is very rare. Now imagine doing that, only this time you need to pick out something for your son, daughter, nephew, or for any other kid in general. It is ten times more complicated. There is a solution even for matters like this: buying a book that has received the notable Children's Book Award. In this manner, you can be certain that there is no doubt when it comes to the quality of the story. Recognition of talent is only one of the many achievements for an awarded author in a specialized book awards ceremony.

Children's literature is not just about funny faces and pooh bears. It is also about imagination, about experimenting other worlds and wonderlands. The innocence of a child receives great support from the magic of fairytales. The bedtime story is a great time to do this. Knowing your child is important; it helps you select the type of stories that are more suitable. Book awards are here to offer you the best of the best. The best is what every parent or grandparent is looking for in order to give to the little ones. The jury that gives away these awards knows about the world of innocent hopes and dreams. The Children's Book Award is for the book that captures the essence of childhood and is able to pass it on to its readers and to those listening to the reading.

Books are for everyone, but book awards are not for every book. Those that attend kindergartens and elementary schools take joy from stories, but others do, too. Remembering your childhood, reliving those fearless enthusiastic moments when every day is a great day is the quintessential role of Children's Book Award. It is about the best times and the fun times. Now you have the opportunity to pass it on and still enjoy the brightly colored flashbacks about playing games in the back yard.

A little boy's or little girl's favorite activity is playing around, discovering and knowing about new things, new games. This section of the book awards, the Children's Book Award aims at satisfying precisely these "little people" that do not yet feel any burden. It is about the joy of games: hide and seek, building a castle from poker cards, playing catch, riding the bicycle and making silly jokes. As a grown up there is not enough time to spend playing a game.

Nevertheless, there are alternatives: read a story to a child, right before bedtime. You may have the surprise to fall asleep first captured by the authenticity of it all. A good story comes from a great writer and if one can call oneself "great", it must have something to do with book awards. Children's Book Award is the only prize where the judges look most carefully at the efficiency of the writing technique. They want to know if the book is able to take its readers "on board" for a cruise around "Fantasy Island". Here you can run into Gulliver or Robinson Crusoe and many other charming characters.

 

Book awards are about achievement and passion for literature. If you find these things familiar, choose a quality book. If you want your child to feel like a hero, try learning more about Children's Book Award.

 

Tags: Bedtime Stories, Book Awards

By Nancy Weaver Baby gift baskets are fun to make and are appropriate to give at either the baby shower
or after the baby is born. Usually the person making the basket selects a container such as a wicker basket or a plastic laundry tub and fills it with a number of practical items.
A cute idea is to find a wicker basket shaped like a bassinet. The bassinet basket can store and hold treasured toys and makes a wonderful keepsake gift. The basket can be filled with gifts such as baby powder, lotions, pacifier, baby blanket, comb %26 brush set, baby bottle, washcloth, a toy or a plush stuffed animal. If the baby's sex is known at the time the shower occurs, the basket items may be predominantly pink or blue. If the baby's sex is unknown, then neutral colors like green or yellow are chosen.
New parents often appreciate baby gift baskets that contain a gift or two for the parents. Why not include bags of microwave popcorn, brownie mix, trail mix, or little bags of cookies for the parents? Don't forget the chocolate!! It'll help keep them awake during late night feedings
A unique baby gift basket is a baby time capsule. This gift will be treasured for years to come and is appropriate for either a baby boy or girl. The time capsule container can be a cylinder metal can. Fill the time capsule with a profile of the parents' daily lives (prices, fashions, information about the type of car the family has, type of house family lives in). Include stationery and envelopes for friends and family to write notes to the baby. You also can include a video and/or audio tapes. A treasured item is the local newspaper printed on the date the baby is born. There will be enough room in the time capsule for memorabilia from the baby's birthday and first year of life, so this gift will be handled by the parents throughout their child's first year of life. After that, this gift basket can be stored away in a safe place and opened years later for a special birthday.

Nancy Weaver is the owner of Village Gift Baskets. She has
additional information and other resources for
baby gift baskets at http://www.villagegiftbaskets.com.

Tags: Baby Gift Baskets, Time Capsules

By Catherine Conner

Gift Baskets Are Wonderful Any Time Throughout The Year

Looking around for a wonderfully special present to have delivered? Gift Baskets are a marvelous present for just about any person on your gift list. Below are only a few holidays and occasions where sending a gift basket from http://www.mygiftbasket.us is a wonderful way to say you are thinking about someone.

In this day and age people are very spread out so when something wonderful occurs it can be challenging being present for the people in your life. When life throws a challenge a sympathy gift basket is a gracious gift that can ease the stress of a difficult time. When you just cannot be there you can let others know that you are thinking of them and supporting them across the miles. Times can be tough enough and a gift basket can be sent to show your sympathy.

Share the joy of a newborn when sending the parents a baby gift basket full of surprises. A new baby gift basket is full of baby basics from bath time trinkets to newborn gift sets to tee shirts and diapers our new baby gift baskets will surely delight the new mother to be. The creation of a gift basket for a baby is original and crafted with love making them fun to receive or give. After waiting all of these months, bless the newborn by sending a much appreciated a gift basket for the new baby loaded with devotion!

In some other lands giving gifts and its customs have a basic place within business atmosphere. Lacking in understanding somebody else's religion or culture will possibly lead to false impressions in giving and accepting gifts or amenities. It may be difficult to believe that in many other places the act of gift giving is not good around the corporate world. In fact, it could be seen as bribery. Being aware of the giving of gifts and the protocol surrounding it can assist global business people strengthen better relationships with overseas customers, clients or colleagues.

Previously available in only the finest restaurants cheesecakes from My Gift Basket now can be packaged for delivery overnight over the nation! Cheesecakes make exquisite, stunning and definitely individual gifts for any professional business or personal occasion, Imagine their delight when a handmande fresh baked cheese cake is delivered to them. Being made with the best ingredients and delivered fresh the next day you just cannot go wrong by . Most people expect the usual New York style cheesecake but a variety of flavors are available:

strawberry cheesecake, white chocolate cheesecake , amaretto and mango are some of the cheesecake flavors that are available today.

We realize that when you want to send a corporate gift you trust us that we are representing you and your company to a prospect, client, or colleague. Let us help your gift giving with a wonderful professional corporate gift basket which represents you and your company in a pleasing and proper manner presents in a basket that can be appreciated by all. Compensate a business professional, co-worker or great friends who are making things happen in sending a wonderful gift for special events, retirement parties, or conventions.

We are particular! The fruit that goes into our fruit baskets is separated and gathered right in the orchards, reserving only the unblemished, freshest, and largest fruit for you to send . Our fruit is hand-inspected individually more than four times and the baskets are loaded on the very same day that they are shipped promising your recipient receives the optimum quality of fruit available online or any other place for that matter.

Catherine is a content writer for http://www.mygiftbasket.us that writes about and researches fabulous gift choices such as Baby gift baskets and holiday themed baskets you can have delivered to virtually anyone on your gift list.

 

Tags: Gift Baskets, Perfect Time

By Jon Dyson

The Good Life

Of course you want the best for your kids so they can have a good life and be healthy, wealthy and happy. And the family is their core training ground. Unfortunately, kids fitness programs or fitness games don't always figure in family activities. Naturally, this doesn't help

Even well-meaning parents send mixed messages to kids on health issues. For example, I watched a family friend telling her two kids that smoking was a very, very bad thing. Nice message. The snag was she was puffing away herself at the same time.

As an observer, it looked ridiculous. And the look on the faces of the kids was one of complete incomprehension. How could mummy do bad things? In other words, the message was confusing, contradictory and insincere even to the kids.

Right AND Wrong

Despite being the 'right' thing to say from a health and fitness perspective, a number of unintentional 'hidden' messages were given off:

1. you don't have to practice what you preach

2. you can say one thing and do another

3. can say one thing and mean another

4. you don't have to be sincere.

Can YOU Be Believed?

Now, apart from sending disturbing messages to her kids, this mum was also undermining herself. To me, she didn't seem to be a bad person. And I doubt that her kids would think so either. They just wouldn't believe her. By not practicing what she preached, the real message was that she didn't mean it. But what kind of a message was that for her kids? How can that be taken seriously?

THREE Critical Lessons

Lesson One is fairly obvious: it's best to practice what you preach if you want to be believable.

Lesson Two is maybe less obvious. Yet it's something that everyone in sales knows: "telling isn't selling". That's why the holiday sales rep shows you pictures or a film. Why? Because when you 'buy it' yourself by believing it, you are more likely to move to the next step and buy it with your cash.

In other words, showing is more powerful than telling.

Lesson Three is also not so obvious. The car salesperson wants you to sit in the car and maybe take a drive. Why? Because to experience something yourself is even better than being shown it. And this is only achieved by active participation rather than as a spectator. Action speaks louder than words.

In other words, a superior salesperson will get you to sell what ever it is to yourself!

Teaching Children Bad Behaviour

The big lesson of all this is that if you want to be successful in making sure your kids are fit and healthy, you need to be that superior sales person. This means not telling kids not to smoke while at the same time smoking yourself. Because a daily demonstration of speaking with a forked tongue, by not practicing what you preach, is a daily tuition service to kids that inconsistency, insincerity and dishonesty are all OK.

The same goes for unhealthy drinking or taking drugs. The same also goes for eating junk food. And the same goes for exercise and fitness. Not practicing what you preach in any of these risks passing on bad behaviour.

But if passing on harmful behaviour is so easy, why not pass on good behaviour instead? And if this means taking seriously the daily demonstrations you give to your kids, then both you and your kids will be better off, don't you think?

THREE Top Tips

But what does this mean for the health and fitness? How do we draw these lessons together? Take these top three points:

1. Practice what you preach.

2. To show is more effective than to tell.

3. Actions speak louder than words.

What better way to demonstrate healthy behaviour than to practice it with your kids? This will go beyond supporting kids by just going along to see them in sporting activities at school or college. It means taking part in sporting and fitness activities with them.

Even if you prefer a fitness program of working out as a 'garage warrior' to joining a gym, and you have neither the desire nor the intention of becoming a muscle-monster, you can still help yourself and your kids to fitness in your 'gym'. Even though practically everyone seems dazzled by weights and fitness apparatus these days, it's generally safer and more effective to avoid the usual dangers of using weights and other fitness equipment and to concentrate instead on bodyweight exercises.

 

 

Tags: Fitness Health, Kids Fitness