By Pat Brill

Have you ever gotten mad at your child? Be honest. No one can answer that question with a 'no' and really mean it. When youve gotten angry, have you said things you didnt necessarily mean? Things that may have been hurtful and degrading?

Lets face it - its not uncommon to say things that you dont really mean in the heat of an argument. The problem is that when you say these things to your children, it really hits home and makes an impact.

#1 - Words Can Hurt Lets say youre fighting with your brother or sister. One thing leads to another and before you know it youre calling your sibling a not-so-nice name and storming out of the room. No big deal, right? After all, siblings fight and sooner or later you both get over it.

Now change the scenario and instead of you fighting with a sibling, its you fighting with your child. One thing leads to another and that not-so-nice name is directed at your child. Think it wont leave a permanent emotional scar? Guess again.

#2 - Your Opinion Makes an Impression As a parent, each and every thing you say to your child about personality, character and intellect really does affect the way your child views themselves as a person. If you call your child dumb, hes really going to think hes dumb. If you call her ignorant, shes really going to think shes ignorant. The harm may not be apparent on the surface, but deep down inside youre planting the seeds of self-doubt and low self esteem in the character of your child.

Its human nature for a child to look to their parent for guidance. If a parent is constantly criticizing a child, that child is going to suffer because of it. Does that mean you should be singing their praises even when theyve done something wrong? Absolutely not! But remember - its not what you say, its how you say it.

#3 - Outbursts Dont Teach Proper Communication or Self Control You can tell your child that youre disappointed in their behavior without calling them a name or degrading them as a person. If youre angry with your child, dont let a word fall from your mouth without first considering how its going to sound when he or she hears it. If it sounds like a personal attack, rethink the way youre approaching it and word your thoughts differently. If you want your child to grow up knowing how to properly communicate and show their disappointment or displeasure, you need to be the one to set the example.

By communicating with your child in a calm, rational and non-confrontational manner, youll be able to get your point across without doing any damage to the emotional development of your son or daughter.

Pat Brill is co-founder of http://www.SilkBow.com which supports Busy Moms with free gift ideas and helpful tips to meet the challenges of motherhood. SilkBow is the perfect place for the perfect gift. To contact Pat, email her at pat@silkbow.com